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Hella everybody,

I just wondered if anyone could shed some light on where my 20 month old son has learnt to hit? He has never seen my fiancee or me hit anyone, he hasn't started nursery yet, he is only allowed to watch cbeebies so never seen violence on TV. Yet he knows how to hit. He is only just understanding yes and no, he is an absolute pleaseure and i'm sure its a passing phase but i'm intreaged to know where it came from...

many thanks

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Replies to This Discussion

Hi Cleone, thanks for your kind reply! I would have agreed at first, i think that was the first time he heard no... He thought it was funny! That didn't last long but this week for no apparant reason he hit his mum and you could see the frustration on his face... My fiancee just held his hands and told him in a stern voice no. not sure what else to do... It's going through my mind hitting might be an automatic instinct... Or has he worked out how to be naughty... Oh well the more love we can give him the quicker he'll grow out of it i guess...
Wow! This is a great group -- I may swing by now and then as I have a 9-year-old busy boy.

Yeah, I kinda feel like Cleone, that your sweet boy is feeling something from somewhere, feeling some kind of energy. See if you can feel it, and what you can do about it...listen inside yourself for some ideas.

Maybe, even, he has a weird feeling about the word "no" and the vibe around it, and is trying to work out how he can soothe himself in the midst of it. Does that make sense? What made me think about this possibility was when you said in your reply post that it was the first time he heard "no." It just strikes me as significant. Think about how you feel when someone looks at you maybe angrily or in frustration and says, "NO!" Doesn't feel good, does it?

Like, if you can somehow find a calm, positive way to hold his hand and maybe have him do something positive with it, like stroke your face, or pet a dog or cat, or even pat himself gently, and then reward him for that...and he feels the positive energy of that, and likes it, so that's what he starts focusing on and the compulsion to hit goes away. Some way of letting him know that he can choose other behavior that feels better to him and results in a positive feeling from you.

Ooh, this is something I need to keep in mind with my own son and his friends who are here right now...LOL! Really!

I look forward to hearing how this goes.

Mary Jo
Hi Mary Jo,

I guess you are right, no one likes to hear "NO" in a negative tone, I know i don't... I have spoken to my fiancee and we agreed that if he hits again we will hold his hands and gently say "no" then ask him for a kiss, which he normally obliges us with... I guess it's kinda like a cuddle when he's upset, calms him down and makes him feel better with positive energy... Another way to look at it, if he fell over and started crying, I wouldn't shout at him for it, I would help him up and try to make him feel better... So what's the difference really?? Thanks MJ!!


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