I love only one guy.

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Permalink Reply by Gary on December 4, 2008 at 5:24pm

Oh, sweetheart - losing someone we love is the most painful experience we will ever go through in life, and unfortunately, it's likely no one has the answers you seek. Often, only time can answer your questions. Of course, I can tell you that there's a reason for everything (and there is), but I know from experience that hearing that does not lessen the pain. It's extremely difficult to do without the companionship of someone we love, and we've grown so used to having in our daily life.

It's also very natrual to want to go back and be with the person again. I'm not doubting that you love him, but usually our reason for wanting to go back to the relationship that just ended is because it's familiar to us - it's more comfortable than the pain you are going through now. But along with the Law of Attraction, there is also the Law of Polarity, which states that everything has an opposite. Up - down. Inside - outside. Right - left. Good - bad. Once again, I'm sure this doesn't provide much solace right now, because the pain you are feeling is what is most real to at this particular moment - but in everything that's bad there is a seed of something good, and when the pain starts to lessen you need to look for the lesson in all of this.

Do you love yourself? I ask that question because most people don't (I've struggled with that myself), and our inability to love ourselves makes it very difficult to accept love from others at a subconscious level (which is vibratory). And BECAUSE it happens at a subsconscious level, it can be very hard for us to recognize. Again, I'm not saying you don't love yourself, I'm just saying that this is a time for some very deep reflection. Do you really need him to be happy? If you think you do, then there is a lesson there.

But more importantly, allow yourself to properly grieve the end of your relationship. Don't bury your feelings. Don't supress them. It's very, very important that you not do that, because they will surface again later in life and you will have to deal with the loss all over again. Cry when you feel the need to. Write in a journal and get all of your feelings out there. There is tremendous freedom in that, and believe it or not, it also helps lessen the pain. Writing your feelings down on paper is extremely therapeutic.

You're a very beautiful young woman Madli, and you have a lot of life ahead of you. I'm sorry I can't offer better advice than that; but I know from experience that there is very little, if anything, that someone can say that can heal your broken heart right now. It just takes time sweetheart. But know that you have a friend here that is always ready to chat with you, and to send you my love and light.

The answers lie within, Madli. Spend as much time there as you can. Spend this time connecting with Source energy as much as possible. I'm here to help you and support you in any way I can. Just send me a message and I promise I will reply.

Much love,

Gary.

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Permalink Reply by Prosper Me on December 4, 2008 at 9:46pm

Hi Madli,

Before the forum changed into its new form, there was a popular thread about attracting back your ex. I was fortunate and smart enough to keep a copy of that thread. I don't remember the name of the person who posted this to give him credit, but what he said resonated with many here. He was kind of like a "guru" in this department. I hope this helps you.

Here is what he originally wrote:

I’ve seen this question asked over and over on these boards:

“Can I Attract my Ex Back to me?”

The answer is YES! You can you attract an ex-lover back into your life.

I can tell you emphatically, that you can absolutely, positively, without a shadow of a doubt, attract an ex-lover to you again.

I know because I’ve done it. I’m living proof of this mysterious and miraculous phenomenon! (In reality, it is not mystifying or miraculous or any such thing). As a matter of fact, I have brought ex-girlfriends back into my life on several occasions). And I’m a regular guy. I’m no former underwear model by any stretch. I'm not a celebrity. Nor am I a millionaire (yet, that is, lol)

My problem has never been attracting exes back. It has been maintaining or developing the actual relationship following getting her back into my life. So, if maintaining it is your issue then this is not the thread for you. This is solely about step one: attracting him or her to you again.

I am currently dealing with this very situation as we speak with a particular ex. I can say that she has been the love of my life. I’ve attracted her back on several occasions even though she was the one who initially decided to end the relationship.

Now, when I say "I attracted her back", I don’t mean the way it looks currently, and quite frankly, even the way it looks now isn't dim. But that would be misleading to all of you reading this. I am saying that she wanted to give the relationship another try, full steam ahead. But, I let my own reservations about moving forward take root. So, I dragged my feet a bit, because my trust in her was a bit shaken. And she drifted away again. And guess what? I attracted her back into my life again. I've done this with several exes. So this is not a unique case.

Currently, I’ve already attracted her back into my life. So, I’m past dealing with it in the same way which many of the members here are speaking. I just simply will not settle for the relationship in its currently state. I never advocate allowing yourself to be used. Believe me, people who truly are in love with you and truly want you in their lives will use you, if you let them.

I won’t go into all of the gritty details of “my story”, but I will tell you this much: for you heartsick people out there who think “his situation is not like mine” let me tell you right now…you’re absolutely correct. It wasn’t as bad as yours.
IT WAS WAYYYY WORSE! LOL!

At its lowest point, this woman and I pretty much said it ALL to each other; insults, arguments, accusations, curse words, hurtful things, etc. After the break up there were other romantic interests involved, etc. It was nasty. I would try to reason with her and ask her why we couldn’t be together (basically, and I admit this with no shame, that I begged, and pleaded with her; and completely lost this woman’s respect in the process). I mean, she was GONE. She wouldn’t communicate with me.

I heard it all.

• “I DO NOT LOVE YOU”
• “I HAVE NO FEELINGS FOR YOU”
• “I DO NOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU”
• “I CAN NEVER SEE ME EVER FEELING THAT WAY FOR YOU”
• “WE WILL NEVER BE TOGETHER AGAIN”
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, YADDA, YADDA, YADDA…LOL!

And then, there were the silent times when I heard nothing from her, at all.
And was I hurt? Hurt doesn’t BEGIN to describe the pain I felt. I was crushed, depressed, and devastated. I was a shell of my former self. Getting out of bed in the morning required a Herculean effort.
But that was before I knew how to use and apply the Law of Attraction CORRECTLY in these matters.
(And I tell you this; all of that pain you are feeling is of YOUR OWN CREATION. You have to take responsibility for that if you want any shot of having another chance with your former lover!)

So, I tell you this so you can know that I’ve been where many of you are at right now. Matter of fact, I’ve been lower. And I still attracted her back.

Remember the things I told you she said so long ago that indicated there was no hope? It meant nothing. As little as a month ago she admitted that she still was in love with me. And this wasn’t the first time she told me she loved me. I’ve been told this several times in the past despite what she originally said about her lack of feelings or love for me. She has even asked me to spend time with her on several occasions in recent weeks. I agreed the first couple of times. But have declined these opportunities lately because they set a bad precedent. (Don't allow yourself to be used!)

See, at this point, the attraction has been re-established. The relationship, in purest terms, is there. The fellowship is not there yet though. And that has to be established by showing self-control and self-respect. But I know that the Universe is taking care of all that for me. So, I don’t concern myself with it.
So, for me, it’s not about attracting the ex back. Now, keeping or fully developing the rekindled attraction, or relationship…well, maybe Dr. Phil can help me figure that out!

HOW DID I DO IT?

But, how did I attract her back the first time when I had clearly behaved so needy, and insecure? Well, I placed the focus on me.

A lot, not all, but many of the posts I’ve read here on this topic are really approaching it the wrong way so I've broken it down into five, easier to read parts:

***PART 1: WHY PEOPLE SAY IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO USE THE LAW THIS WAY?***

Well, one thing I’ve learned is that the Law of Attraction is never wrong. When a person is hoping and asking for one particular person back, he is really operating out of fear. He is afraid to let go. He fears that he has lost something. When his lover left, he mistakenly believed that Love left too. As a result, he becomes sad, fearful, needy, insecure, clingy, and desperate. Then he hears about this wonderful thing called the “Law of Attraction” or “Universal Law” and instead of applying properly, he applies it to the fearful delusion. The Law then gives you what you most feared instead of what you really wanted.

The point is that if you continue to act like that person is your happiness, the source of your love, and that you will not find love unless it is with them, then stop now and recalibrate. Because, you’ve already guaranteed yourself failure.

If the only time you feel truly happy is when you imagine them back in your arms, then STOP and RECALIBRATE! Because, you are applying the Law in a manner that will guarantee them moving further away from you. That’s not to say that you can’t feel happy when you imagine him or her in your life again. Not at all. It just cannot be the ONLY thought that brings you happiness.

(Interesting Note: Ever notice how simply imagining your former lover back with you can give you a sense of elation or happiness? This happens even though they’re not currently with you. That’s the whole point. It was never them that made you happy in the first place. It was you the entire time. Otherwise, the mere thought wouldn’t change your mood!)
You must begin to use the Law to improve YOU. You must use the Law to attract the things, people, situations, qualities and traits that will make you a better, complete person again. This will INFLUENCE, not manipulate, but INFLUENCE your former lover to CHOOSE to feel that attraction again.
I read one post that said “if your ex knew you were doing these things to get them back, how would they feel?” Would they be more attracted to you?
Ask yourself, would you be more attracted to a person you ended a relationship with if you knew they were doing all this to get you back? I doubt it. It would come across as the most desperate, pathetic, needy display of self-loathing you had ever seen. It would push you further away.
The real secret to sparking the return of a lost love is to realize that, usually, when we focus on retrieving a lost lover, we are focusing our attention on retrieving the wrong person. It’s not your former lover who is lost…it is YOU!
The Law oftentimes works against what we think we want in these matters, because we are focusing our energy in the wrong direction. This creates a pushing or repelling sensation instead of a pulling or “attracting” one.

***PART 2: WHAT ABOUT YOUR EX’S RIGHT TO FREE WILL? ***
A lot of posts seem to be overly concerned with the Free Will thing a-ma-bob.
Yes, free will exists. Yes, your ex has free will. GASP! That really shouldn't be a news flash! You really think you’re going to overpower your ex’s God-given right of free will just because the LOA says you can have anything you want? Umm…if it were that clear-cut, you’d have them already.
FREE WILL DOES NOT NEGATE THE LAW OF ATTRACTION!!!

It’s simply puts into effect what I would call a different condition of the Law. For instance, in physics, it is shown that gravity affects all object the same in a vacuum. But when you add atmosphere, gravity appears to work differently on objects of different mass. In truth, it doesn’t. It’s working the same. There are just other forces at work that you didn’t take into account. It’s the same with the Law of Attraction. It’s still working even when the will of another independent free agent is at work. You just aren’t accounting for those other forces.
When using the Law with people, we must understand that it all about influencing that person to freely exercise their will to be attracted to you. You never want to override someone’s power of free will. To do so would be the antithesis of love. Instead, you want to evolve into a version of yourself that would powerfully influence your ex-lover to CHOOSE to see the attractive qualities in you again. This means focusing on YOU! NOT THEM!

***PART 3: TAKE THEM OFF THAT DARN PEDESTAL !***
Your ex is not special. I mean, they are, but only in the same way you are. They’re not granted with some special power that the rest of us don’t have. They go to the bathroom just like you. They have regular bodily functions they tend to daily, just like you. Despite how beautiful you think she is my friend, give her a couple of days with no deodorant, and she’d stink to high heaven!

The point I’m trying to make is that he or she is just a flesh and blood human being. Honestly, they resent the pedestal upon which you’ve placed them. You gave them a place in your life they never wanted; the place of YOU! You should be the only one on the pedestal of your life, period!

Consider this: the only human relationship where it is acceptable for one to be dependent and needy is the parent-child relationship. That’s it. As children, we are dependent on our parents as we transition to adulthood; then they become dependent on us as they transition from this life. No other relationship has this grace with it.
Your ex is human. The law of attraction works on them like it would anybody else. Take the halo from around their head. Believe me, they’ll appreciate it.

So, next time you catch yourself sitting around and thinking about them, that’s a sign that you’re NOT focusing on YOU! You’re putting him or her on the pedestal again. When that happens, put that thought in check and get back to the business of taking care of you and let the Universe, or Infinite Intelligence, or God work on them.

***PART 4: WHAT DO I SAY TO MYSELF? ***
The answer to this is so simple that it eludes most people going through this. You don’t ask for the person to want you despite their own desires…you simply ask to become the kind of person they would happily, and freely, choose to be with!

You could even say something like this:
“I am fully and passionately in love with ME, first and foremost! Thank you that I am already complete and whole, in and of myself. I am so full of self-love because I have cared for myself and my own needs to such a degree that I can now send unconditional love to ____________ .
Even though I may not consciously know how, I thank you for transforming me into a person that ___________ would happily choose to feel intense attraction to. Thank you for helping me become what I desire most: the best person _____________ and people like him/her could choose to be with.
I say with total complete gratitude that I am not only the strong, independent, carefree, fun, and loving person that I was the first time I attracted _____________ to me, but even more so! I possess within myself the positive and healthy traits that ___________ would be happy to freely choose to align him or herself with of his/her own Free Will. I am grateful that you have created an opportunity that will allow _____________ to see me with eyes that see no shortcomings, and a heart that holds no hurt from the past.
I also know that in asking this, I am becoming a person who will attract many people to whom I am likewise attracted. And I feel great because I am no longer bound to the oppressive, self-deceiving illusion of neediness and longing, as it pertains to another person’s affections for me. I now know that is not about that person, but about myself and I am fully and passionately in love with me first and foremost! Thank You!”
See? What’s wrong with that?

***PART 5: IN CONCLUSION***

When you decide that you are going to feel badly all day, will that attract your ex back? Is that the person your ex wants? If you really think about it, the reason we are afraid to let go of old lovers is NOT because we are afraid of them wanting someone else. No, usually it is because we are afraid of losing OUR feelings for them. That’s how much the human brain loves being in love!

So, the point is to focus on you! That’s what people are attracted to! They don’t want someone who would sit, and plot, and plan, and scheme, and wonder, and worry, and hope, and wish, and long, and pine for them. It’s quite the opposite! People are attracted to lovers who are self-confident, who know themselves, who are independent, strong-minded, and FUN! When you’re sitting around moping over your ex, you’re not having any fun!

If you’re in therapy over your ex, then it’s not about getting your ex back. It’s about getting YOU back. If you need to take drugs because your ex left you, then it’s not about the ex. It’s about YOU. Now don't get me wrong, If you’ve been prescribed medication TAKE YOUR MEDICATION! Just realize that the best part about all of this is, if it’s about you then that means YOU can fix it!

So, improve yourself. Work on yourself. Love yourself! This is what attracts him or her back to you! People have natural chemistries. You and your ex obviously possessed a natural chemistry. It doesn’t matter how far apart you keep sodium (Na) from chloride (Cl) the instant they are close enough to each other, they WILL form salt (NaCl), period! Same for you and your ex if you get back on track. So make it about you starting NOW!

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Permalink Reply by Kris Stroz on December 5, 2008 at 12:00am

I remember this thread. I'm glad you pasted it here. This thread had like 200 replies to it, if I remember properly. Where is that guru now? I don't see him on this board.
Cheers,
Kris

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Permalink Reply by Prosper Me on December 5, 2008 at 12:13am

I'm not sure, but I have a copy of most of his replies.

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Permalink Reply by Samadhiatman500 on December 6, 2008 at 11:40am

Prosper--Believe me, people who truly are in love with you and truly want you in their lives will use you, if you let them.

This appears contradictory to me. If a person loves you he or she will not use you,period. I do not believe that. Thanks so much for that post...re-post. Very informative and amazing. I love it.

Madi--I can tell you from experience I was deeply in love with someone not all that long ago. It was loving but it was up and down like a rollercoaster. he was from another country and culture and I tolerated (Abe tells against this) things I usually would not. I was always in knots.

Fast forward. He broke my heart more than I thought I could hurt, ever. I was taking so much depression pills and thinking this is it. I want to die. I just really wanted to die..sort of. I just wanted all the pain to go away which is really different. My tomcat Sam loved me so much during this time. He was my nurse. I could not get up from bed.

So what I tell you is this. It hurt so much. I finally got past it. He married someone else without even telling me and then had a baby. It did not even bother him to tell me this. So while I was crying about him he was having sex with the new bride. I drank myself into a coma...almost for two days straight. Then I went out and bought a beautiful kitten, I named him Kazi.

I am finally past it and realize we truly were not right for each other even though we loved each other. I think about where his life is now and my life. I could not have grown, been healthy, and truly loved if I had stayed with him. His thinking was not self-loving or free. He was very burdened by what his family told him to do. He did not control his life at all, worked 18 hour days like a servant, and married who he was told, did everything he was told to do. In the mist of our relationship I gained almost 80 pounds because on the inside I was so unhappy. A person who once loved her body, herself had turned into a different culture and religion, cooked three times a day, stopped exercising and gained lots of weight. so not only was I very sad I was fat too.

I lost the weight, got healthy...now and I am so much more happy. I know a good one is out there for me.

I hope this helps you.
Marie

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Permalink Reply by modesttreasure on December 11, 2008 at 8:50pm

A similar thing happened to me, except this guy and I were together for 9 years. We never fought, though it did become long distance when his family moved to another state. He just one day dumped me out of the blue. It took at least 9 months before I was ready to let him go. It can be excrutiating at first, especially when you two were together for a while, but I will tell you as a single lady I have never been happier. I woke up and said to myself, "He's gone, so since I can't depend on men I'll depend on what I know will be there." That was martial arts and school work. I'm now a black belt going for a Masters Degree and already have my High school diploma and Bachelors degree, I traveled to 6 different countries, work at a fairly decent job, and I'm writing a novel. Do you know what he's doing? He's with an abusive partner, dropped out of high school, and works at a low paying job in a small town.

Sometimes, I believe our paths grow apart because there's something better. I'm willing to bet something even better is around the corner for you. It may not be a guy right now, but in the future when you have your high paying job, wonderful education, and are living your dream life you will find that special someone that will make you think, "Wow, this is the most amazing thing ever." The guys get better. I mean, if you are at a lower frequency they seem worse at first, but aim high and live life the way YOU want and things do get better. Hang in there and try to manifest something even better. A door does not close without a window being open, and I'm willing to be that behind one of the windows lies a more deserving prince of your love.

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Permalink Reply by Bora on December 11, 2008 at 10:17pm

Let him go. The right man will show up and sweep you off your feet.
"Men don't follow titles, they follow courage. And if you would just lead them
to freedom, they'd follow ya. And so would I"-- Braveheart

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