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Kara's Blog (7)

I think I'm getting better.

There were a couple of rough episodes these past few months. But I just block them out because frankly, I don't have enough RAM in my CPU to deal with them and they are much better off in the Recycle Bin. xD

I'm hesitant to admit it but I think I'm getting a bit better, little by little. My hidden issues are coming out for resolution. I doubt I have the mental strength and/or discipline to dissolve them now, there's still too much going on, but at least they're no longer a hidden,… Continue

Added by Kara on July 16, 2009 at 12:57am — 1 Comment

My mother is threatening to commit suicide

over the STUPIDEST thing, something so abysmally ridiculous that I'm not even going to put it down. But she's crying her balls out over it and drinking and breaking things and crying and screaming and threatening divorce too. We were driving back home from my tutoring and she says, "How about we both just crash/die?" (it's a word that includes doing both things at the same time) and for a second allows us to get a little too close to a city bus on the road. I was closer to it. Of course nothing… Continue

Added by Kara on May 30, 2009 at 5:00pm — 1 Comment

I was singing such a different tune today than usual I just HAD to put it down...

I really do have a lot to be grateful for.

I have a roof over my head. My walls just got repainted, expensive organic paint replacing the lead-infested toxic layer that was there before, and not only do I have more energy/no more headaches but the off-white color is replaced by this very interesting shade of lavender, slightly darker than normal but deeper also and with pink and blue hues in it ......... I could lose myself in it. Most of my stuff isn't in my room at the moment and… Continue

Added by Kara on May 24, 2009 at 11:00am — No Comments

One Powerful Decision.

I have to take responsibility.

I have to stop being the victim. And I didn't know how to do that, until I realized that I just have to take responsibility.

It's not quite saying, "Everything that happens to me is ALL MY FAULT." It's more like, "I control what happens to me and around me."

I'd have to thank the bitch that taught me that today. I don't want to think about it again, but basically what happened is that this one girl was being INCREDIBLY… Continue

Added by Kara on April 3, 2009 at 5:10pm — 1 Comment

Can't stop... it's like a neverending song...

The more I try to break out of it, the more it seems to envelop me. Living in my own fantasy world, I mean. Wearing the ideal clothes (I got a million outfits all planned out, all those drawings gathered in my personal folder) but reverting to a simple black velour babydoll dress if I don't want to be too fancy, in the perfect body, with my perfect guy. Living AWAY FAR FAR FAR AWAY from my parents, in the perfect cute little house (I don't want a fancy-ass mansion, that'd be too hard to take… Continue

Added by Kara on March 26, 2009 at 6:59pm — 2 Comments

Love related ramble...

There's a guy I really, really like in my school...

And he definitely likes me back, although not nearly to the same degree that I do with him.

But there's only one problem... he's a happy, positive, sociable, amiable person, while I'm withdrawn, harsh, depressive, etc. Around him, I do my best to "snap out of it" and be happier, because he really does make me feel so much happier.

I don't know how to express that to him. I'm so cold but I don't want to be. I'm… Continue

Added by Kara on March 16, 2009 at 7:09pm — 1 Comment

I was crying so much today. Over the dumbest most selfish thing.

A long time ago, someone promised me that I could have anything I wanted if I was willing to believe I could attain it. They promised me I didn't have to starve, or to even restrict or do anything special to stay thin or whatever size I wanted to be. They pointed to naturally thin people who eat everything, and said there's no reason I couldn't have the same. I believed them.

Then I read Abraham Hicks a couple of months ago. I loved that book. It became my own personal Bible of… Continue

Added by Kara on February 22, 2009 at 12:23am — 2 Comments

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