The strangest thing happened to me and I don't quite know how to react.
I try to attend at Tuesday lunch time meditation group at lunch. So yesterday I went and it was absolutely wonderful. Each week we use a different tool. This week was a Tibetan chant CD that was supposed to work with the 7th Chakra. It was wonderful. I can not use the word wonderful enough.
Some things happened during the afternoon that had me aggitated. I came home wrote it all out, tore it up and just got rid of it, so I thought. I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't get my mind off of it. So again, I came down, wrote it all out and got rid of it. I meditated and wound up falling asleep again. So, I was a little tired today, but still happy. Just kind of going thru my day. During lunch, I found a quiet spot and meditated in a quiet room and felt wonderful and re-energized.
So, I have to have a meeting with my boss at the end of the day. She is on the negative side, also two faced, passive aggressive, micromanaging, her way or the highway, have to have the last word type of person. So, I sit down to this meeting and she starts in on me about how I don't appreciate what she does for me and she doesn't understand why I can follow the rules she has set forth and why am I so unhappy there and what is my problem. Now, part of the aggrivation I had was that I was feeling unappreciated because I was following the guidelines that she gave me and I was still being penalized. Now, the funniest thing is, right after I read the Secret and started to follow LOA, she had remarked to someone about how happy I was. Once she was done spewing all of this negativity, I sat in the chair and just burst into tears! I have NEVER, EVER, EVER done anything so UNPROFESSIONAL before in my entire life. The running joke used to be that I would have to corral my inner bitch in meetings because I would lash out, dukes up, ready for the fight. I could not STOP. This went on for 20 minutes, and then in the car on the way home. It wouldn't stop.
What I did notice in the meeting was that as she is carrying on about what an ingrate I am, all these gray storm clouds are moving across the window behind her. I could hear the music in my mind, all eerie and mean, like the mean neighbor who is trying to take Toto away before the tornado in The Wizzard of Oz. So now, I am laughing and crying at the same time. Now she is really good and mad at me. So, as I walk out of the building, I could smell the rain coming (I have to say, I just LOVE that smell). Just as I get in the car, it starts to rain. I thank the Universe for keeping me dry by holding off the rain until I get in the car.
So, here I am driving in the car, in the rain, crying and blowing my nose, and just a MESS. I am getting closer to the house and I am thinking about the children and I am getting happier and the crying is begining to subside more. I get around the corner, and the rain stops, so that when I get out of the car--TAH DAH--I am still dry!!
Here is the questions:
Why could I not stop crying?
*Was I just so tired that my defenses were down?
*Was the fact that I had three wonderful meditations in a row, were my feelings closer to the surface?
*Has my inner bitch moved on? I couldn't even attempt to muster her up?
*Am I sad that the before mentioned inner bitch has moved on that I miss her?
*Was it from being assaulted with such negativity, being solely directed at me?
*Have I just lost my ever loving mind???????????????????
Now, this is not to say that I am going to take what she said and roll over and take it. But, OH MY GOODNESS!! I usually just save the tears for sad movies and weddings. I have never in almost 20 years, CRIED IN A MEETING! It was just too bizare. I attempted to share this with my husband, but I think he is ready to commit me to an insitution. But, if you could have been there to see the clouds moving across the window behind her head