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Don't know how people see me: Positive or negative? And why don't I know it myself?

Today I had a job interview and when I came home I was in tears. I found the interviewers had strange questions and then I decided not to look forward on this job because I would never get it. Then I got THE phonecall. They didn't want to hire me right now as an employee but they would like to hire me as a freelance for the next few months! They wanted to know if they perhaps could 'get better' (they won't, I'm sorry it's true) and advertise for the job and ask me to participate again, but they wanted to hire me in the meantime with my company. I DID NOT EXPECT THIS AT ALL!!!
I thought they didn't like me because I don't like myself so much during job interviews.
But they thought the interview was very positive. I didn't think that. Why is that? Why do I see it so much different than it 'is'? Do we know what the truth is?
Pfff... I get so tired of this, asking myself why people react negatively or positively. How do you all attract GREAT THINGS and WHY don't I see WHERE I HAVE TO GO?
Is it to be an entrepreneur (and not a full time employee...)?
Is it to be successful?
Is it to earn hundreds of thousands of euros? Even millions?
Is it to live in a wonderful house with a garden?

And how do I reach this? HOW??? Does anybody get answers?

I often think: smile and let go. Just smile and let go.
I hope this will work for me.
Smile and let go.



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Comment by Cheryl Huerta on November 17, 2008 at 11:08pm
Perhaps the alternative offer that you didn't expect was the Universe's way of opening a window after closing the door. Maybe it's the Universe's way of giving you a second chance to see your self as deserving of such an opportunity. Maybe the Universe is trying to give you a wake up call about your attitude about your self...

I find it very interesting that you started your blog with stating that you hadn't looked forward in your interview because you would never get it. In my personal experience the quickest way 'not' to be considered for a position is to go into the interview believing you aren't good enough for it or that you won't get it or that they are looking for someone with better qualifications or experience... Hoping you get a job or wanting a job is not ever enough to get hired. How can you sell your self as an employee and what you have to bring to the table if you go there thinking you'll never get the job? I used to do that. I used to go into every interview, especially the ones for jobs I really wanted, with a huge doubt in my mind that I was good enough to get hired or that I had enough experience or more importantly that the person interviewing me would even like the look of me or my demeanor. I was nervous, doubtful, unsure and therefore unable to present my true self. I went to a lot of interviews and never even got a call back. When my attitude about my self changed...EVERYTHING changed. When I started to have a positive attitude about my self and my chances for getting the job but most especially of how fortunate that they were to have me applying for the job I started getting second interviews and job offers. One of the most important things I did I think was not to be too disappointed when I didn't get a second interview or the job. When that happened I just figured it wasn't meant to be. I stopped second guessing why I got the job and stopped making mental lists of all of the reasons why I didn't get the job and all the reasons were always because I wasn't good enough for or deserving of the job. I've learned in life that we don't always get what we want but we always get what we need. That's the first step of letting go. I haven't always known this and have spent many, many, many years of my life not getting hired for jobs I really wanted and believing that the reason why I didn't get the job was because I wasn't good enough and they could see that. Today I understand that no matter how badly I might want the job or think I'm perfect for it if I don't get the job it is a very good thing and that most likely that job wasn't meant for me nor I for it.

You say you don't like yourself during job interviews. How do you expect to ever get a job where they appreciate you, like you and where you feel you belong if you don't learn to see the potential employer as the one who is extremely lucky to have someone as good as you applying for that job? I'm not saying to be arrogant in your interview I'm just saying that we are what we think and if you think you are the cats meow they will see it too and will feel fortunate to have found you.

I know what I'm talking about. I work in a job where they think I'm AWESOME and feel fortunate to have me. I went into my interview with that attitude and have backed it up with performance and being a team player. It may not be my dream career but it's a close enough second so that I feel blessed to be doing what I'm doing for the company I'm doing it for. I love going to work every day knowing that I am appreciated by my employer and my co-workers AND that they all feel lucky to have me working there. I know from personal experience that I am 'that' good simply because I have a positive attitude about my self and my contributions to the success of the company. Without the attitude my performance would be mediocre and in today's business world perhaps even in jeopardy. I know I am what I think. I think I am damn good at what I do...

In closing I just want to say that letting go is as easy as falling off a log. There is, in my opinion, an unwritten Universal law that says, "If it doesn't come to fruition it is ALWAYS for the best and is ALWAYS the wonderful Universe looking after me." Disappointment is relative. We can be disappointed because we didn't get what we wanted or we can understand that it was a near miss and we are very fortunate to have missed something that shouldn't be or we can buck up to meet the challenge and just keep right on trying until we get what we want. No matter how you go about it, no matter which way you choose to see it, in the end you will 'feel' so much better and 'feeling' better is the key to success in life.

I pray you decide to rethink your thinking and choose to be your own best cheerleader.

The best to you,
Comment by Trix on November 17, 2008 at 5:25pm
hi Boriquita,
letting go is hard for me too! About enlightments, well I am not sure if they are enlightments actually. I thought I saw IT a few months ago. And about a year ago too, and longer ago I had 'enlightments' too. Well, I think I had because I think I changed my thinking a bit and more and more as time went by.
Comment by Boriquita on November 17, 2008 at 5:09pm
I want those quick answers as well. Have you had any enlightment that you can share?
Letting go is hard for me, and this is where I have a challenge. I call it now a challenge, because I normally solve my challenges! :)

Take care,

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