" I guess I worry that if I'm not nice to people when they need it, then they won't be nice to me when I need it. I'm being nice to people as an insurance policy?? "
I've heard Abe say that that is the basis of most friendships, and I've even been scolded for not being "nice" and making small talk with others socially because "small talk is the glue of friendships, and your friendships are what get you by when you are in trouble".
What's funny about human perception is that there is usually something right about whatever we think. And usually something wrong too. And just like life on the emotional scale: what to do when perceiving a statement of truth is really more about where you are emotionally than what is being said.
When you are stable and have all that you want, the only thing left is to give. And not giving at that point is a life that is cold and teaches it's own lesson, one that few really learn, and most miss the point and refuse to learn because it is a lesson that puts all that you are on the line after you've come so far....The bottom line is though, when you've reached a certain point, the only thing left to receive from life is the priveledge of giving, and you realize that without that, nothing that you have means anything to you anymore.
ah the risk of being in love, or truly caring for another, platonic or otherwise.
the daredevil in me sees that as the opportunity for the greatest thrill and challenge in life. never mind fast cars and pretty boys, winding paths in the woods that enchant the eye....let me really care for another and not get taken down by that, but not disconnect so much that i am cold and just doing a mental exercise...let me really feel...and mold those feelings just right until my soul is liquid song and the ethers are rippling a strong and clear signal to my beloved that they can now follow even easier than they can their own source. (thus sayeth abe yet again in toronto ca 3-16-2007... ga head, scrabble challenge me, i dare ya lol)
On the other hand, when you are on your way up, you take what you want from others and let no strings be attached if they are offering, and could give a rip if they get their feelings hurt, and give away what feels good to give, but recognize that as always...its "me first, especially right now until i really know that i am safe and stable no matter what". and that safe and stable is a state of being, not an amount of money in the bank. but when you get to that state of being...the money will be in the bank too.
And, the really funny part is that ...life is really never "on your way up" OR "really stable". It's a mix, if you are human. Sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down, and life is the stuff of many rebounds.
And now I come full circle. I'm not nice to people so that they will be nice to me if I need it: life brings me what I need, if necessary, from a complete stranger. But I am nice when I feel like it, because it feels good to be nice. But, only when I feel like it, because it's me first...and unless it's me first...at some point, I'll have nothing to give anyway, and if I don't feel like giving...who ever's asking...is probably asking for the wrong reasons. So the question really isn't about how much should I consider others in my giving, as how much should I trust what I feel when I consider whether to give or not to give.
And I say: what your emotions say: goes. Never mind shoulds, laws and social norms. Just do what you feel and life will show you something that you will have to write home about over and over and over again...because suddenly it all makes sense.
This is the song of my heart. Thank you for the opportunity to remember it.