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Hello everyone, so today kicks off Week 3 of my Gratitude Journal and today, more random thoughts and revelations have come to my mind. Now this past week was nice it but it didn't feel as though it yielded quite as much as my first week of doing this so, as painful as it is to admit, there were times when I entertained the thought of taking a break from this for a while. But then another Bible verse came to me: Luke 9:62 which goes "No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God." Sometimes you do have to reflect on the past so that you can keep things in their proper perspective and reminder yourself of how far you've come and how much distance is still left to cover - I do in fact plan on doing some of that with today's journal entry - but if you dwell on the past or decide to regress back to old habits and patterns all because a certain course of action isn't yielding fruit as quickly as you'd want or expect, your breakthrough could be sitting right at the surface ready to emerge through the cracks and it'll just pass on right by you. And besides, gratitude is something that should be a part of my life anyway so why would I ever wanna fall back from that? It was silly of me to think something so stupid in the first place lol.

Now, I made you all privy to some of my struggles with gratitude and appreciation of the things I have and how those things have affected my life since moving out here to North Dakota back in 2012 but quite honestly, those struggles go back much further into the past. I remember back in 2003 moving from Wisconsin to Illinois and being super bummed about having to make that move (as if things were going so perfectly for me in Wisconsin). I was 20 at the time and up until that point, I'd spent the lion's share of my life in Wisconsin (I grew up in Madison and Milwaukee) so, aside from traveling to some other places, this was pretty much all that I knew. This was an opportunity to start fresh and do things a little different but instead, I made the decision to be miserable and I stayed firm in that resolve up until the time I moved from there. Even when something good would happen - like landing on some nice job opportunities - I'd always be so focused on the negative that I failed to appreciate those opportunities. Now for those of you doing the math at home, I basically spent all of my 20's in Southern Illinois/St. Louis which, for most people, is the time in their lives when they really explore themselves, build their personalities, have flings and relationships but because I was so moody and insular all the time, none of that really happened for me, at least to the degree that I wanted and when I moved here, that trend continued. As I look back, I can see all the damage that my ungrateful attitude towards things and people has caused. There were many times when I'd be in the midst of a tough situation or a struggle and I'd keep asking myself "why the hell does this keep happening over and over and over again, seemingly ad infinitum?" I know now that it was because of a lack of gratitude for what I have; that kind of attitude will always put a definite ceiling on what you can accomplish because even when you do achieve a small victory here and there, those negative vibes that you're putting out in the universe will block those blessings from overflowing. 

Well friends, I hereby declare to the universe that I'm done with the attitude of ungratefulness. He and I have officially parted ways. My hand remains on the plow and I fully intend to reap a harvest. I've gained plenty of ground since I've started being intentional about this practice of gratitude and I'm not about to regress now. I've been so blessed in my life - and especially these past couple of weeks - in ways that may seem small but are not insignificant and I fully intend to continue expressing my gratitude to the universe for all that it has brought into my life so that I can lay claim to even more blessings. Now there are several things that I would love to accomplish this year, such as finally attaining financial stability and having all the money I need to meet all of my responsibilities and then some, finally passing my Fundamentals of Engineering Exam and earning my Engineer-In-Training certification, getting my old job back (or attracting an even better one), reclaiming all of my stolen/lost property, finally traveling to all those places I've always wanted to see (and finally starting to meet all of these friends I've made online for the nearly the past 2 years now) and just all around realizing my full potential in every aspect of my life. Now some of these dreams might seem damn near impossible to accomplish with the span of a year but someone recently told me that you should set your goals so high that they'll scare the shit outta you so I'm gonna swing for the fences and really start to feel those feelings of having it now. Frankly, even as I'm writing this, I'm starting to regain some of that youthful energy, optimism and idealism. Remember what that was like? When as a child you could dream up anything and nothing was beyond reach of your imagination? It's to that place that I yearn to return and I wanna thank you all for encouraging me on that journey! Much love and peace to you all! :) <3 :) <3 :) <3

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