There were a couple of rough episodes these past few months. But I just block them out because frankly, I don't have enough RAM in my CPU to deal with them and they are much better off in the Recycle Bin. xD
I'm hesitant to admit it but I think I'm getting a bit better, little by little. My hidden issues are coming out for resolution. I doubt I have the mental strength and/or discipline to dissolve them now, there's still too much going on, but at least they're no longer a hidden, inaccessible source of agony. It's chaotic but it's enlightening. And I know it's a stepping-stone to somewhere good.
I know I'm in for a lot of changes. I see the signs, I feel it from my intuition, AND I've got psychic readings from various sources confirming the same thing. They all tell me to brace myself, keep positive, and that I'll come out on top (well sorta, depending on what I do now.)
I can't say I'm as negative as I was before. I'm making a big effort to feel better, to change myself. It's difficult, I've been pretty negative for more than half my life. I'm stepping out of my gloomy depressing "house/cage" and into the bright scorching sunlight, and I'm not sure if it's worth doing at all. Because what if it doesn't pay off? What if I just get hurt and then come limping back into my house/cage, cursing that I came out at all? Getting ahead of myself here... just saying, I really hope it all pays off in the end.
I'm sure it will. Anything is better than where I was (can't say am anymore because I know I've changed), and if it's not then life is not worth living and of course there's ways out of it. But again I must digress, I'm spiraling into the dark negativity when I've really began to become more light, spontaneous, understanding, and happy.
Well, happy's too strong of a word.
Encouragement is more like it.
There's so much to do.
I'm going to meditate.
I'm going to experiment with psionics.
I'm going to do my DNA Activation, I have the kits and book and everything.
I'll do the exercises from my Quantum Alchemy or whatever book. (xD it has a ridiculously long name)
I'll do D.S.B.'s Indian meditations on Youtube.
I'll do meditations from JOS and read all their archived files too, they have an amazing smorgasbord of info... I don't buy into their philosophy, it's pure negativity, but the practical information is so very real.
I'll do EFT on everything!! :D including my chakras which need regular opening and speaking of which I have a CD for that too.
I'll need my daily dose of Abraham Hicks.
I'll take up yoga *the REAL kind, not the cardio fat-burning tripe at Blockbuster* and see if I can activate my Kundalini.
I'll look into alchemy as well, the Hermetic ancient kind...
I'm going to look into Alex Chiu's magnetic rings.
I'm going to build an orgone generator or buy my own.
Phew, so much stuff to juggle for a 17 year old who's still got all her exams ahead of her...
Maybe I can manipulate time too? :/ apparently it's possible...?