Okay, so now that I've had time to take a look back at what I did right to attract this amazing gift from the Universe, I can identify a few things I've done recently that made the difference.
1) I've been watching the fantastic movie "Peaceful Warrior" over and over for months now. Usually, when I totally "get" a movie, I stop watching it and move on. This one had been popping up in my playlist over and over, and now I know why. This past Christmas, I played it for my sister, and a few quotes jumped out at me this time around. First, "a warrior is about absolute vulnerability," and second, "a warrior doesn't give up his dreams, he gives up the only thing he doesn't have and never will: control."
These two hadn't jumped out at me before because I hadn't yet seen "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay, where one of the quotes by Cheryl Richardson that really struck me was: "Cause a lot of us, when we start to do those things that honor our soul or express our creativity, those are really vulnerable acts. You know, the things that we intend or that we affirm for our lives are those things that are deeply important to our soul, and so they're vulnerable."
Twice, in two different movies, the word "vulnerable," a word that my relationship counselor, Katherine Woodward Thomas--who was also sent to me by the Universe at exactly the right time when I was in dire need after losing Michelle--brought up when she was helping me. She said then that I wasn't making myself vulnerable to my girlfriend, and eventually, because there was no way for my girl to give love back, she would eventually leave and find someone she could nurture and support.
This made me think. One of my favorite quotes is Einstein's: "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." Working backwards, I always have to look at my life, see if I'm getting the same results, and then wonder what I'm doing over and over again. I had to admit, though blinded to it at the time, that I was not relinquishing control to the Universe--I WASN'T TRULY SURRENDERING, and I wasn't being vulnerable to either the Universe OR to Michelle. I had been too afraid to ask the Universe for anything "deeply important to my soul," and I had been too afraid to let Michelle in...
And so, I changed my mission: I will become that Peaceful Warrior, embracing absolute vulnerability. This means living my dreams all the time, a very challenging endeavor for now, but one that will become easy with practice.
2) Relinquishing control. And this one is easy to understand and practice. This is the "letting go of the HOW" and leaving it up to the Universe/my Goddess to line things up for me. Really, I had gotten quite good at this, but only while asking for little things. Once I began to ask for big things, it became harder, though not impossible, to wonder about the HOW. For instance, I used to wonder, "How on earth will I get to see Michelle again when things ended the way they did?" I used to spend most of my envisioning time dreaming of ways we'd accidentally run into each other. But each of these ways had to be believable in order for me to keep them--I'd check and recheck the story against facts, against past OUTCOMES. And of course, those outcomes, not being desirable, would taint the story and cast doubt on each vision.
I had to let go of the HOW, plain and simple. There's no way I could hang on to that bit of control--about the way things would have to happen--and still hold the end result, those feelings of HAVING MICHELLE NOW, powerfully and joyfully. And I put my action behind my faith in the Universe, because I let her push me down to the restaurant at exactly the right time, in exactly the right place, to see exactly the right person and gain exactly the help I had asked for in attracting Michelle.
Today, the Universe set me aright. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that she can accomplish what is seemingly impossible. I trusted her, put the reins in her hands, and BAM, got a glimpse of what she holds in store for me. Now, it is up to me to ask for bigger dreams; asking to see Michelle again was all I dared to ask for. Now, I know I must ask for the whole enchilada, baybee!
That's it for now. I gotta focus on remaining conscious and aware of the enormous truth revealed to me today. It is a bit much to process all at once, but I can do it!
Thanks again for listening...
Before I go: THANK YOU GODDESS FOR ALL THAT YOU HAVE DONE FOR ME, ESPECIALLY FOR ALL THAT YOU HAVE SHOWN ME TODAY, AND FOR ALL THAT YOU WILL DO FOR ME IN THE FUTURE!
Yeesh! To think I nearly forgot the biggest change I made that led to these amazing results--it's definitely taking me some time to process all this...
3) I started feeling BIGGER POSITIVE FEELINGS. Yeah, the single biggest reason it took me so long to get things back on track was that I simply wasn't backing my positive intentions with strong enough positive emotions. The various speakers in "The Secret" made it incredibly clear that the speed of our manifestation depends on the strength of our feelings behind our intention (Jack Canfield's explanation always sticks with me).
The first big change I made was to resolve to feel more powerfully about attracting Michelle back and also about other things, like my financial prosperity. Up until now, I'd been happy, for sure, but I had been wondering for months, "Where's my ambition?" I even asked my mentor, Tim, about it: "What do I do when I'm already happy and don't really want anything super strongly any more, because I'm already happy with where I'm at?"
The first thing he did was correct me on the words "ambition" and "want." "Rather than say 'ambition', which implies that you don't already have what you intend or 'want,' which implies the same lack, say 'desire.'"
But that didn't do much, because I only desired to be happy, and I already had that, thanks in a large part to "Peaceful Warrior."
But recently, I visited the storybook luxury estates of some of my friends and clients and began to be annoyed with the small size of my apartment. These people were masterful manifest-ors; they saw no limitations on the sizes of their homes or their incomes. I realized I'd have to step up to their level, to where I could comfortably sustain a home of that size and still maintain a feeling of prosperity and ease. To do so, I'd have to step up the magnitude of the positive feelings backing my intentions.
And that realization translated directly over to my love life. I have no need for a larger home with no one to share it with, and the realization that a year had gone by since our last date really kicked me into gear. I'd spent the last nine months coasting along on my happiness, ultimately avoiding having to face the strong feelings of desiring her. There was an artificial timeline I put on myself, which really was just to buy me time to stay in avoidance: I set August as the deadline for my unspecified soulmate to find me. And when that deadline flew by, I merely shrugged and let it slide....
But this past week has really kicked me back into gear. No more dodging those powerful desires, no more hiding behind my happiness. The Universe has shown me that I can have any level of happiness I wish, if I simply ask for it and follow that request with both powerful feeling and utter faith. So why not ask for my heart's deepest, truest desires?
And so I have, and so I will!
More to follow, of course... as it comes to me...
Happy New Year and love and light to all!