Ok, I'm going to be blunt, in the hope it will jar anyone who needs it, to really examine what is really going on with their emotional issues with others ( If you understand it, it has the potential to dramatically improve all your relationships, whether they are casual, in passing, on-going, personal, or work related )
NO ONE IS EVER CAUSING YOU TO FEEL ONE WAY OR ANOTHER
So, when you believe for example, any other person is making you feel however you do, you are not taking responsibility for how you feel, and this is unfair and unjust, which is also to say, it's unkind, because we also wouldn't want others to blame us or make us responsible for however they feel.
Whether we know it, or like it or not
EACH OF US IS CAUSING OURSELVES TO FEEL HOWEVER WE DO ABOUT EVERYTHING.
But what stands in the way of you or anyone understanding this?
Because of what most of us observed as children, we unwittingly picked up the belief, that others are at least sometimes responsible for how we feel, and once we believe something, we tend to not question it, instead we tend to look for things that reinforce, support, justify, and perpetuate it.
What might you have learned to believe others can be or are responsible for how you feel?
As a child, how often did you hear some version of
you make me so angry?
you've made me so happy?
Everytime you heard such things, you learned or considered the idea..others may NOT be responsible for however they feel, which then leads you to conclude...I may not be responsible for how I feel.
Or, did you ever do something, and then saw your mom get upset, and maybe your dad said..see what you've done, you've gone and upset your mom?
Or did you ever see or hear some adult complaining about some world event, did you ever hear someone say, it's their fault I'm upset?
Or even, did you ever hear people even blame the weather for how they feel, oooh, that rain makes me feel so sad?
Do you see that this is false? Do you see that it's only how a person thinks about something that causes how they feel?
Get stuck in traffic, do you feel calm or annoyed? It depends on how you think about it.
Get criticism from someone, does it disturb you, or can you deal with it calmly, constructively? It depends on how you think about it.
You get praise for something, how do you feel about it? It's possible not to feel good, it depends on how you think about it.
Notice some wrinkles under your eyes, does it upset you or not? It depends on how you think about it.
Someone is late to meet you or doesn't keep their word, are you upset or not? It depends on how you think about it.
You think about something you want but don't have yet, does it upset you or uplift you? It depends on how you think about it.
You notice you're having a negative thought about yourself, you notice you're demeaning yourself, or putting yourself down in some way, do you get or stay upset, or not? It depends on how you think about it.
If you grasp how we feel depends, on how you think about things, you then grasp that.. HOW WE FEEL IS ONLY OUR CREATION OR RESPONSIBILITY.