Well, the week culminated in a happy, drunken Saturday, a gigantic, sad, tragic, depressive emotional release late Saturday night, a strange and lonely Sunday, and a little anxiety today.
The underlying current is anxiety about not being with people. Anxiety about not being able to connect with and love people, and to be loved. I did some research on Attachment disorder yesterday morning. But I'm not sure that's what is going on. And yes, I'm thinking way too much about this, which demonstrates the exact problem I'm talking about.
I keep going back and forth about what changes need to be made for me to be more normal, to fit in, to have people receive the love that I feel fro them. But the improvement that I need to make is more alignment to the self. To bring back the diffused spirit energy into a more concentrated, centralized core of groundedness. I want to intensify the "me". To be more. I AM. To intensify the "I am", so that when I am with people that i love, that they see more of the me in me.
Wow, I'm so self-centered. but perhaps this self-centeredness is a necessary step toward the end goal. Huh?