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I just had a break up with my boyfriend. We had an abusive relationship because I was depressed and saw negative things. He thought it was all his doing and tried to change and do things differently to make things happy. The strain was unbearable for the both of us, so we had a mutual break up. A week later, he asked me back and I said no and explained that I needed to love myself before I could get into a relationship. 
Because of my negativity, I wasn't able to show him my best or do things for him. So there isn't anything good for him to hold onto in our relationship. I feel like while he was with me, he wished that I thought positively and once he let go (our break up) I came back. I feel like I was manifested. I feel like the greatest gift I gave him while we were together was our break up because it gave him a chance to focus on himself and respect himself. 
Last week, he broke down a bit and texted me. He told me that the friends he was hanging out with just got into a fight. They're a couple who he says resemble us when we were breaking up. He told me he got to see our relationship in a different perspective and that the girl (who resembled him) should break up with the guy because she's in pain. After that he seemed to really let go and be happy and respect himself. Which I am happy for because I prayed and hoped and tried to manifest him respecting and loving himself.
I've read stories and they've all been talking about how even the impossible can happen. All of the written stories are also from a different perspective from mine. That the writer is hurt by their partner and wants them back and then focuses on them and they come back. I'm the partner my ex manifested, but I think he realized that he doesn't need me or want me anymore. 
I was really positive before, but I just went downhill. Now I don't know if his mindset with me is, "I don't want to get back with her. Her time passed." or if it's "I would love to get back together with her, but she can't respect me right now so no. In the future, whatever happens happens" 
I'm not ready to be in a relationship yet because I haven't fully learned to love myself. But it's hard to focus on me with all of these negative thoughts. 
The more I try to replace them with positive thoughts and saying them out loud, the more foolish and insane and obsessed I feel. There isn't anything good for him to hold onto in our relationship. Our relationship was really bad and unhealthy, mostly because of me.
I would really love to have him back again. I would really love if he could me the thought of being with me again open. I'm not ready to be in a relationship yet, but I want to be with him again once I have. 
I'm very confused right now and is open to any ideas of what I could do to keep positive. 

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Comment by Stardust on September 29, 2014 at 5:01am
I think you are totally right in the fact you need to learn to love yourself first before you can love another. Once you are happy with yourself you will know what it is you desire in a relationship. I still struggle sometimes with loving myself but that's when I become selfish and do things I want to do which will not effect my husband and children. You are alive right now, no dress rehearsal. Live and find out who you are. If you don't know, try all different things. Try out different hobbies, research things you love that is your bliss. If you two are meant to be you will attract him always. Make sure you attract the good the love the happiness into your life. If I start getting negative about life, a situation I get cross with myself and shout NO stop, that is enough, find the good in the situation because there always is. Or if you struggle with that think of all the things you love in that moment you have said No stop. It can be simple things your friends the hot sun, the covers that wrap you up at night, lovely warm shower, a good cuppa. Your focus and mind will change and start to smile.

Hope that helps. Xx

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