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The pain is almost too much to bear... I need to figure out how to save myself.

Today, I saw my ex across the way at Uni and we made eye contact and it fucking hurt. I was on my way to get food but I suddenly completely lost my appetite and had to walk away as quick as I could before I started crying. And I've been crying off and on since then. I feel like I've fallen off the road and I don't know how to get back on. Everything was going so well until about a week ago, and I don't know why it went bad or how I fix it. I feel like I'm falling down a dark spirally pit of darkness and I don't know how to resist. I miss her so much and still can't believe that she's left me. And to see her, so gorgeous, with friends, being happy, eating when I can hardly bear to even dress some mornings, I have no friends at university anymore and I can barely eat half the time... It just killed me on the inside.

I don't know how to get back up. I'm so tired, so sick of fighting. This afternoon I really had to resist the urge to step in front of a bus and just say good-bye to the world forever. I just felt... what's the point of trying anymore? Is this world even worth it? I need to get back on track... I need to believe again... I was doing so well... But I don't know how to do it.

I need.... help.

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Comment by Jennifer Hooper on September 29, 2010 at 6:09am
You save yourself one thought at a time.

Tell yourself that you will get through the next five minutes. And then the next. Work your way up to an hour.

Then do one thing that will move you toward an improved feeling, no matter how small. Maybe it's treating yourself to a cup of coffee, calling a close friend for support, or taking a walk.

Not only can you do; you will do it.

I know how much heartache hurts. Hang in there.

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