Realizing that the time is coming near when I should be able to make a living from the labor of my disability recovery, I am finding that knowledge is within. Duh, we all know that, at least to some degree. But, the true knowledge is that which we already have enhanced by the gifts that we have each been given. That is why we all think in different ways. We can’t all understand the concept of Algebra in the same way, or the blueprint to a house or draw an architectural design to build a house, but we all have inner gifts, talents, and knowledge that we have already received that makes us capable of greater achievements for the better of mankind. Not material gain for ourselves, but for the better of another
Tapping into the resources is the trick. Not so much a trick but a journey. If we were able to line up all the knowledge we have gained over our lifetime and blend it perfectly with our innate knowledge, we would be able to expand our possibilities, immediately. Most already know this. That is why there are so many rich people in the world, and I don’t necessarily mean material wealth. Material wealth is not what makes us feel good about our life, or lets us know when we are doing the right thing with our gifts, it is just a display that some use to further their personal gain. We are all different that way. My oldest son has always said, “Mom, if you ever win the lottery we would have to take it all away from you because you would give it all away.” I should have found humor in that but I didn’t. It just made me realize even more how much I had denied my children over the years; meaning the purpose of a life and “how to build one.” He still thought material wealth was the secret to a great life. Material things are great when everyone else has everything else they need. When we gain material wealth and it is used to make us”happier than we are,” we fail. We have to fail, or we would never realize the truth of that.
The Reformation Study Bible states in 1 Timothy 6:10, “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.” This is stated under the heading “False Teachers and True Contentment.” It seems just today that twice I have had to refer to money as being the root of all evil but in different ways. The first was in response to a member of my church family who said she was beginning to experience anxiety because she was a perfectionist. But, she later added that it was the result of not having enough money to meet all her usual needs. I quickly recalled my first real battle with anxiety and related to her that new experiences after loss are much more difficult to overcome when the root of the problem stems from the loss of money or the lack of money. I have learned that when you focus on lack what you get is more lack. This is how wealth or money is the thing that takes us away from our faith. By focusing on not having enough money to meet our needs, a feeling of fear (an unfounded feeling) rises in us. Not knowing that we have nothing to fear escapes us, and we immediately begin to look outside of our self for the source of the fear. There is no source of the fear. Our innate self does not possess fear. It is created in our mind. We create it out of our own devices, so to speak. The greatest fear that most people have is the fear of death. Well, the innate self knows that faith does not include the fear of death. Faith is what takes away our fear of death. Faith in God and our salvation does not include fear. Our salvation is the one thing that removes the fear. We will be at the right hand of God upon our demise, so what is there to fear?
This is where the outer self begins to create fear. Separated from faith, fear exists. So in most that are not living by their faith, they are living in fear of something that does not exist; because nothing outside of our faith exists. Nothing outside of God exists. God is within. Once we capture the concept of that belief we have eliminated all fear and are capable of all things. “With God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26. In the Reformation Study Bible it is states, “But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible. This is under the heading “Let the Children Come to Me.” Just before that title is the beginning of Chapter 19 with the heading “Teaching About Divorce.” When I read that chapter I finally realized that I could forgive myself for having been twice divorced, as it states in verse 9, “And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” Funny that I can now be joyful, that both of my marriages ended as a result of unfaithfulness, on the part of both of my husbands. I am released from the bondage of guilt which is the grip of Satan. Wow, that also releases me from the unfounded fear that held me in its grip after each divorce. The part of me that stayed locked in fear for so long, when all I had to do was re-knew my faith. It all seems so simple as I write it now, but the depth of my fear was so great that it literally held me captive in my mind and body for so many years, I cannot begin to explain the relief of this burden I have been carrying. Who knew that the day I found my mother’s bible would be the day that I finally began to live the life I was meant to live. My mind races with new discovery as I contemplate and experience this joy. Years of wasted energy living in the external world and sinning with such an outward lack of guilt until it all came crashing down on me. And now, to be relieved so simply by a small passage that has always been a part of me, I just lost sight of it because of the (unfounded) fear I was carrying.
Yesterday another of my church family was compelled to act on her fear of thunder and lightning. We were having a yard sale and the thunder and lightning of an impending storm approached and she practically froze with fear. Her husband came and packed up her belongings to get her safely home where he knew she would feel safe and at peace. But, the truth is, as very strong Christians, they both should have been able to draw from their faith the courage to ignore the fear that only existed in her mind, and not in her soul. How simple it is now to look at that and see where we can all move forward with our lives so easily by regaining our ability to trust in God, the source of our total existence. I could have developed this knowledge years before, and saved myself so much time trying to move ahead; but being trapped in unfounded fear kept me building greater fear. This is the vicious circle, the catch-22. Why when I learned the caption “catch-22,” did I not then realize what I have just now come to see? God wanted me to find my way on my own. He wants all of us to do that, which is why he gives us challenges everyday for us to overcome. If we never overcame a challenge, we would never grow in knowledge or experience. I found the phrase: “Failure is just another door to success,” in my head one day. I adopted it as my own, not knowing where it came from. I see now that it came from the innate of me, the true self which is the God self, so the thought belongs to God, but I will borrow it for awhile to make my point.
This is all a rambling, expanding from the initial thoughts about fear and money, yet it has expanded far beyond anything I could have imagined. Years of trying to figure out what I was doing “wrong,” when what I was really doing was right where God wanted me to be. I was overcoming the challenges that God was giving me to be able to finally draw these conclusions, in the hope, now, that someone will read this and will be saved from the tribulations I had to face to get here. Wow, so simple and yet so profound to me. Not everyone will think this is profound, but that isn’t my intention. My intention is that one other will find, in this written piece, something that unlocks them from the fear that is binding them. At this very moment the reason why the song “Just as I am without one Plea,” stayed in my head so long, has just come about. “But that thy blood was shed for me. Oh child of God, I come, I come.”
This is all about having one’s mind open. Most are afraid to leave it open, afraid of what might come in, but in reality, it is really what might come out. God meant for me to take this journey, in just this way, because had I done it any different, I would not have come to these discoveries today. Maybe years from now, or never maybe; but today I know I was meant to find them. What I do with them now is the next question I have to ask myself. How do I get these discoveries somewhere for someone else to learn from, and save them from the journey that I took? Maybe my journey is the journey for them. Maybe reading my journey will help them find their way in a much shorter time; or in God’s way for them. I can’t determine what is right for another, only God can do that; but if another reads this and finds something of value in it; then I have accomplished what God set me out for me to do today. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. How many times have we all used that phrase? Today I finally understand what that truly means. Today my life has changed in a matter of hours, just by thinking one thought, the thought about (unfounded) fear. I could tell my whole story but I’, not sure that is what God wants for me, if he does then I will soon know, but today I am content to believe that one other will be saved because of my journey with God.