Yesterday , fights and negativity with my love, has disturbed me staying in my vortex. I slept in peace and happiness by practicing LOA, but yesterday night I slept quite early because I can't focus on other stuff, maybe at 21;00, I already got on bed.
But I was just crying on my bed, then I listened to ABE, found crying is relief. Because when you cried, at the end of your tears, you mostly already forgot why you cried. So I feel much better by twisting my negative opinion about crying. Then it become so hard for me to fall asleep, I still cannot stop dropping tears. I just tried to push myself back into my vortex and think of good things, and feel good. Then I searched for proposal videos on Youtube, which always made me cry when I think about my love. I always think I was the role being proposed on video, and never stop crying. But yesterday night, when I watched that, I didn't only cry, but also felt guilt. Because I was a horrible gf in the past, it is really hard to admit I was horrible to him, even there I think were many reasons causing me to behave bad.
Anyway, after feeling the guilt, I felt my good vibration was really disturbed after the contact with my love. Yes, he was back to talk to me, but when he did, it just reminded me the gap between his vibration and mine, though we fought badly again, but it just helped me to get back to my vortex, and realized the importance of doing that.
So the reflection is, when I started the bully, or name-calling or blame.... all those negativity will finally come back to me and hurt me. So I can't do that again, because that will ruin my efforts of staying happy. And be careful of my energy and vibration frequency when my love comes back talking with me. Though I am happy on my own now, I am still easily get influence by him, and then my vibration level got in disorder. So I think, I really need to take the process slow, especially focus on my vortex when he reaches me.
One good thing I learned from ABE yesterday, is when there is fight or argument, or whatever experiences... actually all experiences are a reflection of our vibration. So fights , arguments.. doesn't reflect our life, our relationship. They are only the two vibration got in conflict with each other AT THAT TEMPORARY MOMENT. This idea really freshed my mind inside and out!!! And I assume, though there were many fights between me and my love, that doesn't reflect our relationship is bad, that only says me and my love's vibration level got in conflicts!!! So it is just getting clearer, how important I need to stay in my vortex and keep my vibration level aligned with my love's vibration level!!! So we will avoid conflicts.
Another thing realized is, which is REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT.. The problem between me and my love, is he thinks I will never change, and I will always wear a victim mind and never look at myself's problem. But I mean I am who I am, will I really never change????????? HELL NO. I know what I have been doing to improve myself and learn and change. And yes, I told him million times what I am doing now, and told him I will change!! He just won't believe it!
Now I realize, "he won't believe me, he thinks i am childish" is also what is in my mind, or what I believe. So this is a toxic belief, from now on, I need to abandon it and create new belief " He believes I will be different, and he already see my difference!!!! " Get out of our old cycle, is the 1st step.
I trust deeply that
My love, baby M, he loves me.
He trusts me and my good changes.
He trusts in my future career and my choices.
He supports what I am doing and respects my uniqueness from others.
He appreciates my inner self and uniqueness and love.
He understands my choices and accepts I can make mistakes temporarily
He puts me in his life and believes what he is doing
He trusts us in a happy good cycle of life
He trusts everything we experienced will lead to a stronger better happier life
He trusts persistence in love
He sees my independence and my own happiness
He trusts his choice to be with me is a good right choice
He trusts I am the girl to stand up taller and stronger
He trusts I am changing for better
And I believe what he believe. I believe he is seeking good in me. I believe he is appreciating my strengths and he is trusting in me.
ALL IS GOOD NOW.
^_^ Okay, this is my today's reflection!! I will keep doing this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I send my many many love and kisses to my love M, my love dad, my love mom and my love grandma!! Thank the universe and whoever helps me today. <3 <3 <3