(Warning this blog post has sexual content (not graphic or detailed) & may offend but is also very Law of Attraction based too. It refers to sex, but it doesn't describe any of it)
A while ago I met a guy just to well you know. Anyway, I decided to just see the positive aspects and find things to appreciate & feel good about that night, no matter what.
I did something slightly insane that you shout not try yourself but it was so fun and that is: I met him in the park at midnight! Yes, the thought DID go through my head, what if a gang jumps out at me right now? But mostly I was like ooh this is FUN!
The park was, I think it was moonlit & so expansive, peaceful & beautiful as we walked around and chatted and had a laugh. Then he tried to - back out along the street - book us a hotel, but it was full. I HAD really wanted sex but I was in this whole if it doesn't happen tonight or even with him, that's ok, I'm having a fun night, what can I be grateful for/appreciate right now. He commented on that it was good I wasn't letting the no hotel bother him and I shrugged.
We went to a shop to get drinks I think we'd found a hotel by then and dude's personality flaws were showing. He was funny at points though, which was cool. Anyway I was nope not getting out of the vortex over his oaf-ness, what IS great and then - I can't hardly believe I remember what song was playing it was "These sounds fall into my mind" by the Bucketheads and I DO like this song, so I concentrated on enjoying that.
The hotel was - well it was more a B&B but it was REALLY LOVELY and oh my goodness they had rabbits in the garden - rose garden - and a cockatoo that talked lovely corridor.
Ok so by 5 am he was still talking and he was playing music which is a real dick mood but then I fell asleep he'd said he was getting a cigarette in the garden, but when I woke up, he was gone.
Now, I could have been upset over that rejection but I decided not to be and anyway like I said he'd been a pain ha ha so I went down to breakfast and the man was like - hotel man - is the guy here? Did he leave? I was like I have NO IDEA, what's for breakfast? And I had a lovely breakfast, briefly chatted to the man, laughed about the cockatoo. I made myself find things that I DID like, not like be embarrassed because the guy had walked. And that place felt abundant and romantic and I loved it.
My point is, I want to go back to being like HER.
I want to be like to HELL with "he's not into me" or maybe he IS into me or WHATEVER be not about is he into me but am I (a) in the vortex and (b) in the moment and (c) having fun by finding things to appreciate no matter WHAT WHATEVER guy says or does.
I want to stop CARING what the think of me.
I want to enjoy a date again without over-analysing the guy's body language or what he says.
I would LOVE to have sex again. Yes he has to be attractive that I'm not budging on but to be honest I want to stop CARING how much he is attracted to me, I actually want to be like oh he only sees me as someone to have sex with oh yay I get to have sex! Oh yay! I'm on a date! Oh yay! He called, he texted! (Not why did he take so bloody long & when's my next date?!) and Oh yay! He DIDN'T contact me but WHAT ELSE can I be happy about that's NOTHING to do with him.
Ok we women don't want to feel taken advantage of, we want to be loved of course but I want to be like yep bud my happiness depends on me no matter WHAT you do. And in fact I DON'T have to cut you out of my life cos you're not blocking ANY guy from coming into my life cos my vortex is stronger than your muscles.
I don't want to CARE if a guy is into me or if he just is horny or if he's on a date with me cos some other chick said no. I'm SICK of caring. I want to just enjoy more and try to figure them out less or even be like I wish you were crazy about me but that guy's coming even if you're not it but I can still enjoy my time with you & I can still enjoy my time whether there's a you or not and find so many things to appreciate and love. It's not about if YOU love me, it's about if I love me and I love life. THAT'S what matters. You're just an optional extra. And even if you do fall madly in love with me or if you never do, that's not where I want my focus to be anyway but on enjoying my life whatever that may be at the time & enjoying the deliciousness of the adoring hot loving hunk who KNOWS I'm amazing and IS in my vortex. Whether that ends up being you or not.