Heart Hurts, But I don't Believe it's really Over...
I posted this in 2 forums, I wasn't sure which one was more appropriate. Thanks!!
Hello everyone! : ) I'm new here. I discovered the Secret about 3 months. I went out and bought the book, the supplemental book, and I just recently bought the movie. I love everything about it and most especially because it goes along with my beliefs as a Christian. : ) So the reason my heart hurts (i.e. is a bit broken) is because when I had discovered the Secret, I immediately started doing the List. One of the List I did was the Love one. Well I swear, a couple days into discovering the Secret, I meet this guy online on this social networking site and we really hit it off!! He was so nice, funny, really smart, and very open with his emotions, it SEEMED. It seemed like once we started seeing each other in person, he was still funny, smart, but it seemed like the nice and open guy I had talked to wasn't ALWAYS there!! I realized that he's one of those 'tough' guys who need all the time 'in the world' to REALLY open up! It seemed that we were arguing sometimes because of something he said (as in he didn't think before he spoke! : P ) or something he did. An argument we had about a month ago made it to where I ended the relationship. Three days later, he sent me a text while at school saying he was "very very sorry and that he hoped I could forgive him." I was so very surprised because he hardly opens up so I thanked him for showing me that he really did in fact care and we started going out again. Just last week though, we got into something again and we didn't talk for 5 days, until I emailed him (on the site we meet on) and told him basically that I didn't know what his issues were, especially in terms of him not knowing how to treat me. I told him that I was hurt by some of the things he did and that if he wasn't ready to switch things around, he'd have to find some other girl who was ok with his behavior. We actually wrote back and fourth, getting angrier with each response, I finally said, that he hurt me, he didn't really care about me and that I didn't know what else to do but end the relationship. This was about 4 days ago. Deep down, I know that this man cares for me, he shows me he does and then he 'pulls back,' which I think causes the arguments between us. It seems he has trust issues, especially when it comes to women and issues with showing emotion on a regular basis. It seems that he's more comfortable being hurtful than kind sometimes as a way to 'mask' things, whatever 'things' he's got going on in his head. It's obvious that he cares b/c of the first time I left him and by the way he opens up (but very vaguely!) sometimes when we're alone, and just by the way he looks at me (you all know the 'look' I'm talking about! : P that really sweet one!) but then he just 'pulls away' and can be not so nice, NOTHING abusive or anything like that but you know what I mean, just not so nice. The thing is people, I'm pretty sad about us. I really prayed for us and I want(ed) us to work. And people, I must tell you, deep down in my heart, in my soul, I don't believe we're done, I really don't. I believe that this is a sort of break, a time for us to be without each other and for him to realize that I'm a good women and that he has to stop pulling back and stop 'covering up' his feelings with being an annoying little boy!! Now I understand that you can't force someone to fall in love with you, but can't praying, and really believing that there's something more in store for he and I bring us back together and really turn things around? See, I had to break it off b/c that's the only way I saw that he would learn to really appreciate me, I didn't want to 'wait around' while he did, people don't learn to change things when they keep getting away with doing them the same way. But, I don't think it's our end. I guess I just feel it. I have great faith that people can change and that people who may not be great in relationships in the past can turn out to be wonderful. I guess everyone has potential to be wonderful mates right? : ) Help me out here people. I'm trying to handle this in the Secret type way, but it's hard, he's always on my mind, and something tells me, I'm probably on his too... Thanks everyone!! : )
Hello everyone! : ) I'm new here. I discovered the Secret about 3 months. I went out and bought the book, the supplemental book, and I just recently bought the movie. I love everything about it and most especially because it goes along with my beliefs as a Christian. : ) So the reason my heart hurts (i.e. is a bit broken) is because when I had discovered the Secret, I immediately started doing the List. One of the List I did was the Love one. Well I swear, a couple days into discovering the Secret, I meet this guy online on this social networking site and we really hit it off!! He was so nice, funny, really smart, and very open with his emotions, it SEEMED. It seemed like once we started seeing each other in person, he was still funny, smart, but it seemed like the nice and open guy I had talked to wasn't ALWAYS there!! I realized that he's one of those 'tough' guys who need all the time 'in the world' to REALLY open up! It seemed that we were arguing sometimes because of something he said (as in he didn't think before he spoke! : P ) or something he did. An argument we had about a month ago made it to where I ended the relationship. Three days later, he sent me a text while at school saying he was "very very sorry and that he hoped I could forgive him." I was so very surprised because he hardly opens up so I thanked him for showing me that he really did in fact care and we started going out again. Just last week though, we got into something again and we didn't talk for 5 days, until I emailed him (on the site we meet on) and told him basically that I didn't know what his issues were, especially in terms of him not knowing how to treat me. I told him that I was hurt by some of the things he did and that if he wasn't ready to switch things around, he'd have to find some other girl who was ok with his behavior. We actually wrote back and fourth, getting angrier with each response, I finally said, that he hurt me, he didn't really care about me and that I didn't know what else to do but end the relationship. This was about 4 days ago. Deep down, I know that this man cares for me, he shows me he does and then he 'pulls back,' which I think causes the arguments between us. It seems he has trust issues, especially when it comes to women and issues with showing emotion on a regular basis. It seems that he's more comfortable being hurtful than kind sometimes as a way to 'mask' things, whatever 'things' he's got going on in his head. It's obvious that he cares b/c of the first time I left him and by the way he opens up (but very vaguely!) sometimes when we're alone, and just by the way he looks at me (you all know the 'look' I'm talking about! : P that really sweet one!) but then he just 'pulls away' and can be not so nice, NOTHING abusive or anything like that but you know what I mean, just not so nice. The thing is people, I'm pretty sad about us. I really prayed for us and I want(ed) us to work. And people, I must tell you, deep down in my heart, in my soul, I don't believe we're done, I really don't. I believe that this is a sort of break, a time for us to be without each other and for him to realize that I'm a good women and that he has to stop pulling back and stop 'covering up' his feelings with being an annoying little boy!! Now I understand that you can't force someone to fall in love with you, but can't praying, and really believing that there's something more in store for he and I bring us back together and really turn things around? See, I had to break it off b/c that's the only way I saw that he would learn to really appreciate me, I didn't want to 'wait around' while he did, people don't learn to change things when they keep getting away with doing them the same way. But, I don't think it's our end. I guess I just feel it. I have great faith that people can change and that people who may not be great in relationships in the past can turn out to be wonderful. I guess everyone has potential to be wonderful mates right? : ) Help me out here people. I'm trying to handle this in the Secret type way, but it's hard, he's always on my mind, and something tells me, I'm probably on his too... Thanks everyone!! : )
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Hilda Macdonald on -
I have just spent the last 16years loving a man who sounds very much like the guy your describing, I thought I could make him happy, I thought I could help him to open up and show emotion, I thought I could make him believe that love is wonderful; It just did the opposite, I lost faith, I was incredibly alone and emotionally starved, I kept feeling sorry for him, kept taking him back, but no more, I have finally decided that he had 16 years to change and I deserve a guy that is capable of love and respect. If this guy is treating you badly now, I promise you it will just get worse, dont wait 16 years to find out that he isnt capable of doing the right by you; he probably has child hood issues, probably with his mother, he probably has internal issues, you carnt help this guy until he chooses to help and love himself, wish this guy happiness and do yourself a favour, walk away, you know you deserve better, you deserve to meet a guy who knows how to treat you.
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Permalink Reply by Retta on -
Do YOU think that you deserve someone who won't pull away? Is it possible that this relationship was simply to help you get clear about what you REALLY want in a relationship? Did your love list include wanting a man who wanted to be with you and was emotionally available to you? Are you just in love with the good parts or him and hope that they will outweigh the bad?
If you feel good in the relationship the way it is.........on again, off again........then go for it. But I don't think you do feel good in it.
There are lots of men around.................there really are. Find one who helps you feel good the majority of the time.
Retta
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Permalink Reply by genevieve on -
Dear Gsusiking,
finding the love of your life can be a long process. Even with Law of Attraction, because we start out NOT knowing really what we want, we write a few details like : I'd like a tall, dark, handsome biologist ...we get him and then discover he isnt generous, so we go back to the list and add "generous", we then find mr generous but he give everything away and never consults you ...so you add "needs to see me as a partner and share with me" ...... and on and on it goes until we either write the perfect list or ask God to find you the perfect partner and then be patient while God brings him to you. Meanwhile, we can do a little work on ourselves, becoming happy, fulfilled, generous, kind and loving just in case when Mr perfect turns up in our lives he finds fault with us !!
I am so sorry that you are feeling hurt at the moment and when you have someone in your life for even a little time you can then feel so lonely when they are gone ... but we are here in this life to experience Contrasts, good and bad, happiness and sadness and it is the contrasts that help us to KNOW what we want in life. Sometimes when we feel lonely we take someone into our lives that is not right for us just because we it is marginally better to "have someone". But if you can rise above all the negatives and see them as indicators of what you really want, then you can experiment a little with relationships and not get hurt, but just learn from each what it is that would really make you happy and fulfilled.
He might be right for you, but not as he is at present. Perhaps you both have to learn a lot and in a few years you will meet again and having made the journies will be right for each other.
You are wonderful to have found the Secret and understood it while young and still at school, you will definitely have a charmed life if you continue to learn as you are doing.
love and light Gen
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Permalink Reply by Retta on
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Yes yes yes Gen,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,your explainion of how we get The List is perfect. I found that to be true when I was going through appartments. After my first one I added to the list...... the bathroom is NOT to be seen from the living room. It takes life experience to learn what is really important..........in relationships, homes, cars, clothes........everything.
Retta
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Permalink Reply by GsusisKing on
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Hello everyone and thank you all for responding. We are back together. He contacted me the day after I posted this! This is a NEW start!! We are in a wonderful, loving, fulfilling, truthful, trusting, and loving relationship!! I speak all those things in my strong belief in the Secret. I DID attract him back. I literally saw the email sitting in my inbox before he actually sent it. The Secret IS real, I knew already but this was I guess you could say the 'big test.' I LOVE this man and I know that we are on our way to an amazing relationship. I'm speaking in the PRESENT TENSE, like I know the Secret instructs. I know if I literally see all these wonderful things happening in our relationship, they WILL happen!! And though I haven't said 'I love you' to this man (I just wanna shout it loud to him!! : ), and he hasn't either, I know that I'm in love already (its been 3 months! ; P ) and I know that we WILL be madly in love with each other and will SAY and SHOW it to each other frequently!! If I send out the frequency of love, I WILL get it in return! How do I continue to use the Secret so that our relationship is as fulfilling for the BOTH of us as I KNOW it WILL be? I've been praying for it, and thanking God for this wonderful blessing. Before he even contacted me, I literally saw all the wonderful times that we'll spend together in my head!! I didn't cry tears of sadness and I didn't do ANY what if's!! I was not about to send out negative frequencies!! Thanks all!! : )
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Permalink Reply by PatriciaSeasons on
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genevieve, I love what you said about making that list!!! thanks:)
GsusisKing, that is awesome!!! keep doing what you are doing because it works.
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Permalink Reply by star on -
ow gsusisking you made me cry:) cos im in the same situation as you were. And i am wondering the same think as you were: can i attract him back in to my life and have a loving relationship that i know that i deserve. And now after reading these...you gave me SOOOOO MUCH HOPE.Now i am even more convinced that we will be together, that i was.
thank you for expanding my hope even more.
star
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Permalink Reply by Archangel08 on -
I am glad you two got back together. I am going through the same deal you were. Just make sure you two communicate with each other. Continue to visualize good things for the two of you. Does he know about the Secret? If so being to co-create this relationship together. That is how you will make your relationship better. You have to work together. 1 person cannot just focus for the best while the other is off doing whatever. So if he does not know about the Secret, it is probably time to expose it to him. I wish you two the best in the future.
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Permalink Reply by Tuffy on
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Hi GsusisKing -
Could you give me a little advice.
I have a man who has been my friend for over a year..and about Christmas time things became more intimate, then he pulled away, then he got closer and got scared again. He would then need time to think and go into his man cave as we say, then he would emerge and we would hang out and have a great time. (now we didn't just meet up for (you know), because we have kept that sacred) Sometimes when he has a lot of stuff on his mind he has to be alone to sort them out, well apparently this was what was going on last week. We got in a huge argument about us not getting together that often. He said he couldn't deal with things right now and just wanted to be friends and that he is a nothing and is ok with that and I deserve better. Then he said he needed some space.
We haven't talked since. He won't return my emails, text messages or calls.
I have been seeing my relationship with this man in the present tense, us enjoying life together, him calling me or texting me when I imagine. I am happy and excited when thinking about our happy relationship. I am happy about how much in love we are and even us being married.
I've tried different techniques, but I must be missing something or not doing things correctly.
I believe with all my heart we are meant for each other and he is the one for me. He is what I have been looking for and longing for. And I know when we are together he is at ease, he looks out of the corner of his eye at me and when I look up he can't stop looking. I always look him straight in the eye and he loses his thoughts when talking. Then when he is with me I will rub his back or massage his head and he is in awe because he says he doesn't let anyone get that close to him or touch him for that matter. He doesn't ever say mean things, maybe things that are uncaring, but never intentionally mean. But none the less they hurt. When we actually get together time stops, he lets his walls down and we mesh so well, however when he is away from me it's like he puts walls up and it takes some convincing to get him to meet up again.
So basically I need some good ole fashion advice. I pray a lot, I am thankful, I do a lot of things I have read, but I must be missing something.
Thank you so much!!
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Hello Tuffy!! With the Secret, I believe that it really is a patience thing. Thats what all the teachers on the the Secret movie say. They can't specify the time that whatever you want is going to happen, but they say to just release your wish into the Universe and that the Universe will find the fastest way possible to make it happen. Prayer, Patience, and Faith, thats what I'm practicing and working really hard to remember, not just for my relationship with my dude but for everything!! : ) This Bible verse is what I kept and keep thinking about, especially in terms of a romantic relationship : ) "Love is patient; love is kind...There is nothing love cannot face;
there is no limit to its faith,
its hope, and endurance.
In a word, there are three things
that last forever: faith, hope, and love;
but the greatest of them all is love.”
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Hey Star!! I'm very new to the Secret but I do know that the Law of Attraction attracted my guy back to me and I believe that the Secret is the reason he even came into my life 4 months ago, when I first discovered the Secret. Other things have happened for me too and they ARE because of the Secret. Keep on believing Star!! I even today just pray AND believe that our relationship is a wonderful, strong, one, I keep speaking in the PRESENT tense because thats what the Secret instructs!! : ) I really visualize beautiful happenings in our relationship!! And I DO feel it! It's a trip! I feel my heart race and I smile, all as if what I'm seeing in my head is ACTUALLY happening at this very moment!! "Don't stop thinking about Tomorrow!!" ; ) Keep attracting your man back to you Star. Keep the faith girl!! ; )
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Permalink Reply by Deen on -
How do you attract a man back to you if he has left and refuses to answer your calls? help..
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