question to all

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Patty on May 21, 2008 at 5:07pm

Hi Gen, A different but effective way to look at it. Thanks,
Peace and blessing to you always.
Patty

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Blackpearls on May 21, 2008 at 3:02pm

Well ... Patty...that's the point! You try to relaxe and by trying that always comes up 1st when you're not done with it. What I mean by that is that you can't get rid of it because it's a part of you, that experienced all that. It's not theses things you've to work through, it's about where you stand today confronted to yourself toward forgiveness (you and your parents...), selfestime and love to yourself.
You don't have to become somebody else but when all this comes up as soon you're with yourself, the part of you that has been hurted so badly should realise that this isn't anymore. You might know that for sure, but not the part that is the abused child. That's where you've to talk with yourself on your manner, just like you feel it and with love. The point is not to empeach thoses memories to come up. The point is to let them throught and accept it, forgive then what happened to you even if you don't know why you have to forgive anything at all. My parents separated when I was...3-5 yeras old, he used to beat my mother for no reasons.....and a lot of other bad things. I was young, but already understood that them living seperated...was a good thing somehow. But at that age it left traces on me and my brothers and even if we were not directly involved in my parent's fights...at that age, it's just directly for a child. We are 3 brothers and the one who suffered the most was my older brother, what brought a lot of problem a lot of years later...what do I say... the problems started from there, my mother having the hard job to fix everything my father broke, mostly on my older brother. In spite of this, I still loved my father, we lived with my mother and every 2nd weekend, we went to my Dad. Worked well as we were not forced to watch and live the mess of my parents, a mess absolutly originated by my father. As he wasn't that much present anyway when my parents still were together, this changement felt nearly like being a familly again; was at least better than the opposite situation we used to have. That was a way to manage it, until my father dissapeared without a notice back to Africa when I was 8-9.
First I was angry, absolutly hurted, but had no idea how to express it, we 3 brother had totally different manner to react on that and I carried that anger & pain until the age of 15 - 18. I went to school with an enourmous Schoolbag...lol...nearly my own size...reason was, I effectively had a period where I had that much books and packages to take with me every day for school and other scholar activities. But there came a time where it became far less for me to put in my bag and actually I could have changed the bag, but I didn't! A new school year started and I still was with that oversized School-bag and enough books inside to fill 2/5 of the bag....
You know what I was carrying inside that bag day after day? My anger, my pain, my deception....and it felt effectively heavy; was not even a damn illusion for me until a I realised one day as a school-friend, who not even was a friend, told me how by the way ridiculess I looked with that oversized bag everyday and nearly nothing in it ... that opened my eyes on what was actually goin on with me.
At the bottom line, I realised then that it wasn't worth it to have that bagage day after day on my bag just like a cross! I said to myself: "Ok! He's an asswhole, you can't change that, nobody can but him...lol... but...take him like he is and forgive him. Leave it behind you and do your things".To deal with myself was not an issue anymore. Until today, I haven't seen my father again since and I fully accpted this fact. The only contact we got a few years ago is a letter where he asked us to come to Afrika because of a fight who's occurring between him and his brother about properties we apparently own there. I forgave him a long time ago, what isn't the case of my brothers, but that doesn't mean that I've to run his stories. I decided for me that this isn't my business at all and

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Blackpearls on May 21, 2008 at 3:03pm

that I only will go in his direction when he comes with what really counts. I know what counts, he doesn't and probably never will during this life! When I think about all that, the past, all theses stories, it doesn't feel bad or good and most of all, I can look at it without being involved emotionally or mentally again. The pain, the anger made place for understanding who and what my father is and accepting him that way. But I do my way in full balance! I've the intention to face him again but for totally other reasons than why he wants to face us...lol...I can and will do the step. My brothers can't and I don't need to ask them about to know about. They still deal with the anger on a conscious level and I can't miss it. But that's what they still have to understand; that it brings them nothing to keep that in an oversized bag that only contributes to struggle you. The way I look at it now, changed it. It's still in me but can't hurt me, make disturbances or put me off balance. today, it's no more than memories. I changed the way to look at it and I suggest you to do the same, indeep! Not only towards your parents and what they did & told you, but also towards yourself. If there's a hard part to deal with, then it's the part on YOU! Tears might come when forgiving, well let them come, don't fight. You already have all that behind you and it didn't work.
Yes, resisting is a fight and you can't win. Believe me! I know it by my own. Not through a fight inside of you!...LoL...don't laugh now but.. cuddle yourself, if you felt sth. you've ever wanted in your life was worth it to do what ever it takes to get it and you felt good, proud about it, so do the same for you but this time without being undermined by yourself and your past. When relaxing yourself, the mine-field you used to be in, won't be one anymore. The lack of light comes from the rush on resistances of all sort, however they look like, even by being upset when you hear about others hurting children.....

Hugs,

¸..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ -:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´*Blackpearls

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Blackpearls on May 22, 2008 at 12:25am

A very old and very wise Cherokee grand father was teaching his grandchildren about life, "A fight is going on inside of me...It is a terrible fight, and it is between two wolves. One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, pride, and superiority. The other wolf stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith. The same fight is going on inside of you and every other person as well.

The grandchildren thought about this story for a moment and one child asked, "Which wolf will win grandfather?".

The old Cherokee grandfather sat up and replied, "The one that I feed".

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Patty on May 22, 2008 at 11:48am

Good one, and Oh, So True. Thank you so much.
Peace be with you, God bless, Patty

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Marcy From Maui on May 22, 2008 at 4:50pm

Great , simple way of explaining this! :-}

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Zoe on May 22, 2008 at 2:04am

I know how you feel to some extent having had similar experiences myself. I have found the ten week course at Oprah.com with Eckhart Tolle on A New Earth to be especially helpful with letting this stuff go.

It is all free and so many people have been helped. Are you familiar with the course or his books?

hope this helps

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Patty on May 22, 2008 at 11:49am

Hi, No I am not familiar with the course. What is it about?
Thanks, God bless to you, Patty

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Ivory on July 12, 2008 at 8:00pm

Hello Patty,
I can empathize with you. For many years I carried a lot of anger around this issue. So much I wanted to say, but was afraid to. Through my intentions work I was finally able to let go of just about all of it. I stated my intention to forgive, bless and move on with my life. Slowly it happened. Now I can discuss this with my love without tears. I can tell you that I finally found peace. You can't change the past, but you can intend a different reality for yourself now and in the future.

Yours in music & light..
Ivory

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by alter4 on July 13, 2008 at 10:22am

Dear Patty....you need to make your psyche stronger and free from all trauma...the best way i know is 4dwater...Best wishes

▶ Reply to This

• 1
• 2
• 3
• 4
• 5