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Permalink Reply by Sheila on June 23, 2008 at 6:29am

The universe is only sending to you what your thoughts are. You are completly responsible for what you attract, not the universe. The universe is only reacting on your thoughts. So, you receive a missed call from your ex. Tell me, what's the problem. Why are you so scared? Afraid of being hurt againg, to fall in love with her again, what? Realize that were you afraid from you attract. And those things happen in our life. So it is important to go inside yourself. Fear inside yourself is a place that not yet discovered love.

Being afraid of the hurt again, means that you still have to work things out in your life. Not your ex, but what is happening inside of you. And, what do you want? When you love yourself you are able to keep your personal boundaries intact. You can join others, because you know what you want because you know your own boundaries.

The first step is to recongnize that the reason you are afraid or avoiding something of feeling bad or hurt about another is because of fear. And again, that is a place that requirres your unconditional love. Love this part of you, do not make it wrong. Be willing to look directly at what you are avoiding. Once you recognize fear, it becomes much easier to deal with. It is only when it is in disguise that it can create separateness and pain.

One way to discover fear is to take something that you want to create, but fear you cannot, ans list all the reasons why you cannot create it. then, turn those reasons into positive statemenst of why you can create what you want. You will find that fear dissolves in the light of conscioussness.

Namaste
Sheila

Permalink Reply by lifeinmotion on June 23, 2008 at 6:58am

wow sheila. thank you and thank you so much for taking the time for your reply!

yes i understand what you are saying, and i shall need to conquer the fears in me, though after finding out what they are - and i can only do that by taking things head on instead of avoiding things...

im normally quite an ice-man in terms of reacting to things, and i shouldnt really let something trivial like this upset me... well ill do what i gotta do but not get into this feeling.

thanks for the support - it really means a lot...

Permalink Reply by lifeinmotion on June 25, 2008 at 4:18am

hi ok before i say what happened - i also tried to figure out why this is upsetting me...

first on the possibility that she wants to back together or try and make things work out - would i want that? No. definetely not. Would i at least consider? No, I dont think so, I am over her, i dont miss her at all, and on the list of qualities ive made that i want my partner to have, she doesnt have quite a few... I would be really compromising, which i something i dont do!

ive figured it out - somewhere deep inside its the rejection that hurt me and somewhere continues to hurt, though not consciously. at the time i had been mis-diagnosed and mis-treated for a rare stomach tubercolosis, which required very strong drugs for 6 months... i had lost about 50lbs and looked very emaciated, completely losing my otherwise great body... the fact that i spent a good deal of time at home, and she wouldnt come too often to meet me, or when she did she looked very uncomfortable and seemed like she wanted to get the hell out, which she did often and hung out with her friends instead, didnt help me feel 'too attractive' and this was before the breakup. at the time of the breakup she was staying with her mother (and thats where the call came from...) and she kind of hid behind her mother, who normally was very fond of me and was very warm, was very cold and kind of rude when i used to try and get in touch with her. when i had called up her friends to see if i could try and make contact to her through them, they almost treated me like a 'mutt' who needed to be stayed away from...

now when a call from her comes, somewhere the memories and feelings of being rejected off get triggered again... and thats whats upsetting me... i seem to want her to want me back, to not treat me like shit like last time around, and im so afraid (this is deep inside again) that i will be treated like that again. Why do i want her to want me again? well i definetely dont want to get back together... and no, i dont want to get a sense of 'revenge' by showing her how it feels - ive forgiven her and i will not get any pleasure out of hurting another... somewhere i just want to 'nullify' the feeling of being hurt and abused - there is that part of me that wants to feel loved....

you see even after i got better and put on the weight and hit the gym again - for awhile i used to look at other guys and think like wow they are so much better than me - thats the kind of guys my ex would wanna be with - which is kinda odd i realize now - coz i im really hot - i look like a model, and everywhere i go girls and guys stop to take second look, ive been uber-successful at both my own equities trading business and steering a lot of units of family's gigantic logistics businesses, im a really nice guy, and yet im tough as nails - i do believe today that i am the perfect guy (at least bt my definitions ;-))

but there is some small part of me inside where my self-confidence is smashed - and my question is how do i fix that because consciously i have super-high levels of confidence???

and thats why ive come to the phone call last coz i dont feel it really is or should be that important as trying to fix myself...

i called up on the number - it was her mother's house's landline number. he mother picked up the phone. i was polite yet not warm, introduced myself and told her why i had called. and i could sense from her voice she sounded quite uncomfortable - she then said yeah A. (my ex, her daughter) had tried me yesterday but it was done by mistake and there wasnt anything...! she then quickly tried to dodge the phone thing and aksed how me and my family were, yadayada and we hung up... my inference of it (not that is should really matter) - how could she dial me by mistake after 2 years, that too from a landline where there is no addressbook system, and how would her mom know about it and know it was a

Permalink Reply by lifeinmotion on June 25, 2008 at 4:20am

*** could not finish this in the last post so doing in this...

mistake??? I dont know whether she got the message that i called back or not (i didnt ask and her mother didnt volunteer to). The real reasons for the call (i dont rationally buy the mother saying it was a 'mistake') - and again i reiterate it doesnt matter - could be several and most point to the possible explanation that she hasnt totally moved on from me...

Again im not interested in getting back together with her nor do i think i will get a solution for my 'hurt' from her... and thats what i need to fix... i really believe the universe is helping me get rid of that last dreg of unwanted baggage from my past so i can be totally ready to receive and enjoy with beautiful partner, who I believe now is just waiting for me to be ready! advice, ideas, love on how to fix this little part of me anyone?

love and peace...

Permalink Reply by Sheila on June 25, 2008 at 5:53am

Every situation in your life that requires truth from you, that rquires you to reach into a deeper level of your being, is an opportunity to grow
Te more pain and struggle you experience, the greater the amout of energy you clean up when you come from your deeper leve. Thank those situations in your life that seem difficult or painful. Know that they are opportunities to reach a deeper truth. Not a truth that will separate you, bring yo uanger of justification, or make the other person wrong and you right or vice versa, but a truth that will allow you to connect at a deeper level. To raise your energy higher, go inward and ask f you are withholding from yourself the truth of what you feel or thin about the other person. If you do not let yourself see the truth, you will have another person and aoother ent your way until you do get in touch with your deepest truth.

For instance you get in a relationship where she left you, you feel rejected. Go inside and until you get in touch with that feelings and not act upon it you will continually experience pain. You have the greatest power of all, the ability to heal yourself.

Namaste
Sheila

Permalink Reply by lifeinmotion on June 25, 2008 at 7:27am

thanks so much sheila - i will update..