For the past two weeks I was dating a guy who was the sweetest at first.
He adored me with almost everything I did, he made me feel good, he payed for every date and he treated me like a queen.
However I started noticing that he was very insecure and it made me wonder if I could handle that. I felt like I needed to make him more secure in life, but I also noticed that that was not my job in the relationship. I wanted him to be responsible for his own happiness, instead of depending on me.
He saw something was wrong and that my attraction for him just faded.
I told him about my concerns... He started yelling at me that I am childish and arrogant.
I just walked away, because I couldn't have a civil conversation with him anymore and decided that I would stop dating him.
Now I'm a bit frustrated, because I was so close to having a wonderful experience with a man, but he just didn't match well with me as I got to know him...
Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Perhaps sharing this so I could feel a little better...
Thank you and lots of love.
People are generally on their best behavior early in a relationship, while they're trying to win you over (especially when they feel like they have to win you over). Things are most exciting, then. It's fun and it can be really nice when you're both feeding all that positive, creative energy into it. But that energy can either be used to launch a new relationship that will have staying power--or it can be used to create a dazzling, but flimsy, illusion that will inevitably collapse because one or both partners can't keep it propped up for very long. This guy created an illusion by catering to your every desire and treating you like a queen, and you were willing to join in because it was so appealing to you--but he couldn't hide the fact that he was insecure, so the illusion fell apart.
You were right in understanding that you couldn't solve his problems with insecurity, and that it wasn't your job to do so. Really, you can't; that's his burden, and his responsibility. Walking away from it was a reasonable thing to do. And of course he lashed out, because he was trying so hard to hide those insecurities, and you were still sharp enough to spot them, and decide they were a problem. If there's one thing that scares the shit out of (straight) men, it's for desirable women to notice their weakness, and that's what happened here. So, feeling threatened, he turned on you.
So now what? Well, you know how you like to be treated, and how you like to feel about a man; you got a taste of that, and it was wonderful (even if the rest wasn't). It might have even given you some greater clarity and insight into what you want, which is never a bad thing, even if the events surrounding it don't seem so great. Somewhere out there is a man who is willing to give you that, and has the inner strength and self-confidence to back it up. So keep focusing on what you want. Don't let yourself get distracted or diverted by what you know you don't want--maintain your integrity. Focus on further developing your own personal qualities that would make you an even closer vibrational match for the man you do want (as well as making you happier and more effective on your own). The right man's out there; your most recent guy just wasn't him, that's all.
If there's one thing that scares the shit out of (straight) men, it's for desirable women to notice their weakness, and that's what happened here. So, feeling threatened, he turned on you.
And that goes for straight women too, cuts both ways.
Focus on further developing your own personal qualities that would make you an even closer vibrational match for the man you do want (as well as making you happier and more effective on your own).
This is very good advice. Think of what your positive qualities are, and also what makes you unique. Basically, what makes you you. Start paying attention to them and the feelings will sink in, and you will begin feeling positively about who and what you are. When you can do that, you become a match for secure people who think the same about you and also about themselves.
This has made me feel so good again.
Thank you for the good advice.
I'm back into that lovely christmas feeling I had, before I met the guy. That's actually all I wanted :D
I know the universe have shown me again some piece of it's wonderful wisdom. The guy will come eventually. :)
“I wanted him to be responsible for his own happiness.”
You want him to be responsible for his happiness, and you want to be responsible for your happiness. And being responsible for your happiness, also means being responsible for your unhappiness, and not needing the other person to be different, because you accept them as they are. And when you don’t need them to change, you allow the best relationship, because you view every experience with a man as wonderful, as Source does, and it is a gift of clarity to focus more on what you do want, so you can allow it.
Yay!! Brian rocking as always!
i love this post, and above all the caption:
I LOVE THIS POST! I've saved it to read over again when I need it, thank you!
You're very very welcome :) You may like these 2 posts as well and this truly great & empowering Abraham's video that makes you realize how nobody is really doing anything to you:
I hear codependence on his part. But also pretty serious narcissistic issues as well. Decide how you want to be treated instead then let the universe work things out for you.