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Hi,

I haven't been here for quite a while, but I have a question today that plagues me. I had a lot of anxiety in my life, panic attacks, it was not very nice. That is over since long now but I still have a lot of nervousness and urge to controll things. Whenever I have fear that sth bad will happen (and yes, I often have this fear, even though I know it makes no sense living in the future) - and this fear always concerns my kids in a way, that they might become ill, that I might not be able being there for them because sth bad might happen so me etc. - I don't react with more fear or even panic, I just acknowledge it is there and try not to judge (well, it is getting on my nerves, tbh), but I cannot seem to get rid of it for a long time, or it never stops at all deep down there. I have come to the conclusion that I simply lack basic trust. I never, ever have the feeling sth could end up positively, in a good way, I only see the worst outcome.

And things keep showing up, problems keep showing up....I don't have the feeling I ever get a day or two where I can relax because some sword of Damocles is always hanging above me. Meanwhile I have given up all wishes, hopes and expectations for a better future (don't get me wrong, my life has become better in many way, especially financially, but there are other areas that have gotten worse, like my health, or being without any love in my life - romantical love - since 9 years now, so I often wonder what the point is.), at least for myself. I still hope my kids will have a healthy, great and happy life, but for myself I have pretty much come to terms that this is it and my only hope is that things won't go down the drain completely for me. I wish I had more trust, but I can't think of a way to change that.

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Hello kulalula,

I'm very glad to see you posting again. Indeed the fear you are experiencing is from a lack of trust. Trust in yourself that you are ok, and trust that your children are also ok. Remember that fear is never about what is happening now, but about what may happen. Reminding yourself that in this moment you and your family are ok and safe, helps to to let go of the fear. 

Once you decide to let go of the imagined fear, that sword will disappear. It is never too late to allow yourself to have what you want. You can be healthy, fully and completely if that is what you want. You can decide it's ok to have love in your life, first for and with yourself, and then with whoever you choose.

Remember that some things that you wanted to change, have indeed changed for the better. Everything else can also change for the better. You are absolutely allowed to have your wishes and desires fulfilled. It is ok to have the life that you want. =)

Deep Peace to you,

Ross

Hi Ross, 

so nice to hear from you again - I thought of you just today! :)

Yes, you are right, these are things I know, of course, and I have implemented them sucessfully for the last few years, that is why I never experienced a panic atack again. I simply don't fear the fer anymore, but some of it still lingers. No idea why that is.

Right now it is a legal problme I have that makes me sweat a bit. I ordered some DHEA, a precursor hormone, that alleviates hormonal issues and is rejuvenating and energizing. I ordered it in the UK and didn't think of sth bad at all as this is sth you get in every drugstore in the USA. Then I got a letter from customs, they confiscated the bottel and now they are investigating against me because this is considered a doping substance in Germany. Can you imagine the look on my face when I read this? The substance amount I ordered is exactly the amount that makes it a crime to order it. And I thought, hey, order the larger bottle,, then you don't have to order it again so soon. Isn't that laughable? Only thing is, I could go to jail for that. Of course, I asked people who are versed in this area and they asured me the realistic chance is 0%, but that I may have to pay a money fine of about 500-800 Euros (the bottle cost € 8,-), but that it would also be possible they close the investigation. Still I'm scared as hell I could go to jail. No matter how logically I try to explain to myself how small the chances are to end up there, I see myself in there: I know this is completely counterproductive, but I can't stop it on some days. Then again I forget about it completely for days. This is again my urge to control, the situation, the outcome, and if I can't control, I get scared. I try my best (in fact, Ho 'oponopono worked pretty well, but I should have continued it to get a more consistent result.)

I highly doubt that they will do anything more than tell you don't do that again. There is nothing in your background that would suggest you are suspect of anything. 

The thing is, you can control you and your emotions. That, in turn, controls the energy that you end up experiencing. Each time the fear comes up, look at it and realize it simply is not true. If Ho'oponopono was working then go back to it as a regular practice. Also, I'm always available for you. =)

Thanks, Ross, for reminding me again of what I already know and practice anyway. This is a completely new situation, and that is why it has such a big impact. As for the fear for my kids, I can control that really well by now, it is more a general worry from time to time they might get ill or sth like that. It is way less intense than what I am epxeriencing with that prosecution right now. 

I need some reminder from time to time to get my head straight again - that is what you did for me today - thank you so much!!

BTW: sth else happened a few days ago: I use CBD oil now and then for my hormones and inflammation, also my back pain. I also thought this was completely legal, even here in germany, as we have a lot of shops that exist for years now. But a few days ago there was a large-scale raid in Munich, at 14 shops. 180 policemen and 11 state prosecutors confiscated products, took everything they could get hold of and even arrested some of the shop owners for a few hours. Complete arbitrariness. They claimed that there was a chance people could make a concentrate out of the CBD flowers in order to get enough THC to get high. I got so furious...probably CBD will get illegal here in Bavaria, for no good reason. And again sth that helps me is taken away from me, with me getting criminalized, because they say shop owners as well as customers are liable to prosecution. BUT: I'm not scared a tiny bit about this, I'm only angry as hell, and this is sth that reminds me of my former me, when I knew no fear at all, was rather pugnacious, fighting for the things I believed in and not easily intimidated at all. A good feeling. I have to transfer this to that other issue, because I didn't do anything bad (at least I wasn't aware of it). I only wonder what all of that menas...I don't believe in coincidences, but I have no clue what this wants to tell me.

Do you really want more trust?  It sounds a silly question but its one of those basic ones that you may “think” you desire, but actually deep down you really don’t desire it. 

Trust me, I do (pun intended ;-)). It would eliminate a huge burden on my shoulders.

Cool so what needs to change for you to have it?  What would you need to see to believe and trust more in life?  

I have absolutely no clue. I've made tonms of progress durign the last 5 years or so, but I still have the feeling I carry the world on my shoulders. Maybe I'm Atlas reborn ;-) I CAN relax by really imagine letting go of the steering wheel, but then it is rather a "Go on, whatever...I don't care what happens" and then it is really a calming feeling because whatever happens, I have given up control and simply accept it. But I'd rather prefer a happy feeling of trust, not one of surrender. This is sth I cannot figure out for myself.

Well its not something you have to "figure" out rather its something you have to be.  I get you want results, and that's cool and you will get them, however it may not be in the shape or form that you think it will be.  The questions I posted above, weren't actually for your logical mind but rather for your inner being to ponder and see what comes up and to orchestrate things for you to get the results you are after.  It is already on its way to you now, you just got to have fun until it shows up. 

I guess it is still way too much my logical mind that has a say in everything that is going on, of course. I ave been way better in visualizing things, feeling really great about stuff etc., but when one thing after the other hits you, you get frustrated and I have to admit, I have gotten rather cynical about life during the last few years, even though things have improved, because others have worsened. I only want peace in my life and that my familiy is well and has no major problems. maybe it is already that way (it is only me that has major problems, or at least they feel like major problems, like th legal issue), they are healthy as far as we know, they have friends, have fun, we don't have those financial problems anymore even though money still is tight from time to time, but never like it used to be, we can afford buying organic food etc....I guess the problem is me :)! Okay, I try being really relaxed today, for no reason at all. I have to be more serious about it and as Abraham says, ignore what is.

Hi Kulalula

You aren’t the first and won’t be the last person to try to logicalise things (been there, done that myself).  Great re visualizing things and feeling really great about stuff.

Abe said one time that life isn’t all unicorns and rainbows (and quite a few people got very upset over that in the seminar I was in).  I know that too myself, but its all about the tools to get you back to feeling good and no matter what the circumstances, even frustration can be a good feeling sometimes because it shows you are passionate about your goals, and expecting it and getting upset over it not showing up.  Abe said to really have fun with being frustrated and to hit pillows or jump up and down whilst ranting and raving to feel good.  It was a surprising answer, but later in that workshop they talked about most of us surpress things and that is in effect being in resistance to our desires and the focus is on the lack of desires rather than the desires.

Being relaxed is a great goal (and stress is a killer!).   Its amazing how if you are dealing with multiple things in a relaxed fashion, things flow easily. 

Thanks for that - I really have the feeling, I often supress stuff. But then again I deal with it naturally by taking our dog and take a walk in the forest. This almost instantly causes a shift towards everything positive. The trees rip off my negative energy so effectively. I guess it is also about taking life not so seriously. I tend to forget that. If I see myself and everyone else as acotrs, in a way, who play their role here on this plane, I get some distance from all thos feelings and can be way more relaxed and also a bit ironical, which is good - at least it is more fun.

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