Flowerpatch is a name I chose because I love flowers and it has served me well over the years because I haven't grown tired of it and actually still like it. Bit isn't Flowerpatch just an illusion really? Sure I have shared my deepest self with you on some levels but what about the times when I hold back? What am I hiding?
......Like not skyping with a friend because I don't look good enough or when friends come over and I start closing doors to certain rooms in the house because of the wretched mess? How about when I am moving towards "success" and then suddenly freeze when fear overtakes me~fear that I can't do it just perfectly? ( I have an 8 am meeting tomorrow and I have completely freaked myself out. I am perfectly capable and yet I am so afraid.) I KNOW this meeting is more than just a meeting. It is about me allowing me to be imperfect.
The truth is I AM NOT PERFECT. I can only do what I can do. I don't have all the answers! I want to do a good job and I may screw up. I am learning and will give it my best, but my best may not be good enough for you. But it has to be good enough for me.
Why is it so important that you love me?
And why do I feel like a fake because you do?
Damnit, I want your love. I deserve it. I am taking it. (Ok, David!!!)
Will you still love me tomorrow? I don't know. Will you leave? Maybe. All is well no matter what because love flows through me. I let go fo the fear. I am ME and I am FREE.