I am pretty sure I have mentioned this issue before but I can't remember and I can't remember what you guys said, though i think it helped.

Guys, I have this problem, an inner conflict.  It is partially related to physical looks so I am mentioning it here.  It's happened at least twice before and it's happening again.

Years ago, I was told I should only date within my religion or even, some people thought, my church.  Well, turned out guys OUTSIDE my religion and my church fancied me.  Obviously not ALL of them but this did happen and I liked them too and often ended up dating them in secret so my family wouldn't know, then I'd feel guilty like I was going to hell or whatever and break up with them but another one would come along within a few months and so I let myself gain back the weight I'd lost cos I felt guilty and thought it would keep the guys away.  It didn't.  It reduced it but some guys still liked me even though not as many.

Another time, I had a boyfriend who although he said he was going to be faithful to me but if I wanted to have other guys I was more than welcome I though no, I am going to stick with him and I didn't want to "cheat" on him, even though it actually WOULDN'T have been, cos I had his permission!  But again, this is one of the biggest reasons I let myself put on the weight I'd lost.

Well, I'm doing it AGAIN. I'm single and I wanted more male attention from handsome guys and I am getting it but it started to get mostly sexual, guys just wanting sex, whereas for a while it was partially sexual, and partially romantic so some wanted to date and some even wanted to be my boyfriend, even good looking guys.  But I noticed about 2 or 3 weeks ago I started gaining back the weight I lost in 2012 and kept off and I have started to CRAVE snacks.  Like I will crave certain junk food.  I didn't know WHAT this was all about and I don't WANT that weight back.  I love how my body was and I'm not happy with this.  My clothes are tighter and although it's actually NOT affecting the guy thing esp as it's butt fat for e.g. not face fat (thank God!) One guy doesn't even WANT me to lose the weight, he said I have gained weight but in "all the right places."

But I don't like it.  I don't want to look like that.

I'm gonna be brutally honest here.  There is another guy who likes me but only sexually although he DID say he wants me to be his girlfriend and at times he says things that make me wonder if he likes me more than he lets on.  Either way, it's not important but the thing IS even though at the moment the attraction for him towards me is just sexual, he is one of the most GORGEOUS guys I've ever seen and just my type and he met me a few weeks ago, so that's another thing, if I lose the weight, will he still fancy me, HE likes my big butt size too ha ha but I guess (a) if I WHEN I lose the weight I will feel sexier and better looking and he will sense that (b) If he DOESN'T like me anymore I know I can I KINDA know I can attract one equally or better yummy-looking and in the mean-time I know I can will do still have an awesome life.  (c) Screw HIM!  I want to fancy myself in the sense of loving what I see when I look in the mirror, how my clothes feel, being healthier and all that.  (d) If there IS anything there on his side, like my ex husband did, even though he preferred me slimmer, this guy will STILL fancy me. (and if he doesn't who NEEDS him!) I do kinda fancy him though as the saying goes, he's not the only guy I have a crush on at the moment, but I DO have a crush on him and I'd rather NOT lose him.  But well, if it's him or the weight, I'd rather lose the WEIGHT and if I lose him well OK.  But maybe I can manifest keeping him AND losing the weight! 

I know I have this conflict though.  I know i'm doing it cos subconsciously I link being fatter to being a guy-deterrant. 

Weirdly enough, after I got married I gained weight then, my husband then even noticed and brought it up I even gained a lot of weight between being engaged and being married and I kept it on no matter WHAT I did until about a month before my divorce.  

I didn't PLAN it that way but again I wonder if part of me thought I would be less likely to invite temptation in if I was fatter.

My ex husband still thought I looked beautiful and would often tell me that.  A few times I caught him staring at me and would go what and he'd say "you BEAUTY!" 

But still, i look better WITHOUT the weight.

I strongly link my body size to my sexuality and I need to somehow break that connection cos it's really holding me back.

I have some products I will be using on this but I'm also open to any tips.  Cos I want my sexy body back.  Also, a lot of me LIKES the male attention for goodness sake!

I also eventually want another boyfriend who is a man of my dreams one when I'm ready for him and whether it's monogamous and exclusive or we have an open relationship when we can both also see other people, either way, I don't want to gain weight again then either. 

I finally had a body I really liked.  I felt so good about that.

It's almost like a form of self-punishment. 

Please help me.  

I don't want to be like this anymore.

I AM sexy.  It's one thing I will admit.  I do seem to have this aura of sexiness at times and yes it gets bigger when I am slimmer as I DO feel more sexy and confident in myself.  But I don't want to fear that anymore or let it sabotage me from having a body that I feel happy with any longer. 

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  • Hi Athena!! I noticed no one answered so I'll give it a go... just bear with me for a while..

    The link between physical and emotions is very very intricate. I've noticed EVERYTHING internal has a way of manifesting in the physical form; either through an illness, or (incase of positive) a positive change. Our physical selves are suuuuuuuch an amaing manifestation of our emotions, our believes and thoughts, that the medical & scientific world has JUST about to draw parallels between them (and still not so clearly, we need a few more centuries for that!).

    You are not REALLY what you eat; you are what you FEEL. And feelings are very hard to dissect at times. When I read through your post above, I see your insecurity towards your outlook and I see you've drawn this conclusion based on your dating history. Allow me to say this; who you date and HOW you date has NOTHING to do with your physique. Men don't come around seeing the inches (or lack of) fat on your skeleton and muscles. Men come in with your vibes.

    Now that you read the above para, I hope you start to dissect your FEELS from your insecurity regarding your body. Your body is BEAUTIFUL and perfect JUST the way it is right NOW; the cravings are only the manifestation of your FEAR of gaining weight. You have a craving? Go eat. Relax. It will go away. But when you subside the craving with the FEAR of getting fat, you keep it lingering. More like liiiiinnnnggggerrrriiiiiiingggggg in your vortex. And you give it energy... little by little the thoughts become things and ta da!

    My point here is; LET GO of the feeling that men are attached to your (lack of) calories. Let go of the attachment to FEAR and de-sensitize the food. Sensitize your positivity towards your body. Try the exercises Louise Hay recommends (that I'm sure you already know of). Consciously unhinge your feelings of insecurity and ALLOW all goodness to flow in. You need to practice practice practice until it becomes part of you. All thoughts will in return become your reality.

    Good luck, my dear! Hope this makes sense.

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