I have recently joined the forum but have been aware of the Law of Attraction for several months now. Each day I seek to learn more information in order to achieve my dreams.
My main desire revolves around my body, which I've had many issues with for some time now. For several years, I have struggled with an eating disorder, and my health is not in an optimal place. Though I am considered underweight, I love the feeling of being thin, but being small at the expensive of my health, especially still being a teenager, and through restriction is not what I want. My average day of eating (I am vegan) is some fruit in the morning, a salad for lunch, fruit for snack, and a cooked meal for dinner. Though I never really finish anything I eat and fight daily with my parents over what I'm eating. Some part of me still believes that food contributes to weight gain, though by the LoA, and more specifically Rhonda Byrne, it's the thoughts/beliefs that matter.
So when coming across LoA and reading stories (on here and The Secret website) of people who were able to eat whatever they wanted without working out and attain their desired bodies, as well as changing other features of their appearance, I was astounded and it gave me great hope. I've hurt so many people and practically broke my family apart, but I still can't seem to let go despite learning that changing your physical appearance is possible.
What I exactly want in terms of my appearance are the following:
- A skinny, model-like body being able to eat whatever I want (no matter if it's considered "healthy" or not, I will remain in the body that I desire) and no exercise
- I don't have a set number but rather a shape/frame, and it is rather small by some standards but it's what I want for myself
- A height of at least 5'10" (I am currently 5'7")
- Clear, fair/porcelain skin
- Light blue, beautiful eyes (Currently brown)
- Fuller lips
- Smaller/shorter face
- Lighter/blonder, stronger and longer hair (Currently brown)
- An overall more beautiful appearance
I want to transform, to become almost like a completely different person, be "reborn" in a sense. I want to have the body I've been dreaming of and have more love and confidence for myself, which in turn will mean more love for others. I want to restore my health (I've lost my period and my hair falls out all the time at this point), desire a career in acting and want my family to become close again.
I've been collecting stories upon stories of people who have achieved such things, but for some reason I can't apply it firmly to myself. When I think about eating a meal I usually avoid because I think it will make me "fat," I cower. Whenever I try to think my height is growing or my face is changing, I get confronted by thoughts of disbelief and become disappointed when I pass by a mirror (which I've been trying to avoid looking into).
Although I know it's wrong, I can't help but feel desperate. I'm so tired of restricting and being rude to myself and others. I want to look the way I've always dreamed of because I know I will have that happiness I've been longing for. I want to be like the successful people who eat freely and don't gain any weight. All I ask for is some guidance, I don't personally know anyone who knows of the LoA and my parents don't really believe in it either. I've been yearning to talk to someone who has been successful but also to connect with other to figure out what I should do.
I've done meditation, visualizing, a vision board, affirmation list, acting as if, trying to stay positive, but I guess my belief isn't there. I want it so bad. And in a way, because of my poor health, I feel like I'm running out of time and each day comes with fear and disappointment. Fear of having to eat something I don't want to, disappointment when I give in to restriction and see the same body I don't want to see.
I don't mean to spread any negativity, I have faith, I always do, but I need some help and would greatly appreciate it from anyone.
Thank you all,