Im not even bad looking. Im very cute! Im just not a bombshell you know? So today, someone messages me, a guy who attended a party that I also attended, and he says "you were really cute at the party!" and my mom goes "Well he must have not had any other options if he's talking to you!!!" 

Why in the world does she have to do that?! No, Im not "as beautiful" as my mother but it doesn't mean that its a crime for guys to say nice things to me. This is why I came to this forum board because I want to prove her wrong. One time she was talking about a particular group of guys and said "They go for the ugliest women they can find!! Oh, you'd be a perfect target for them!" Then she gets upset when I get upset telling me I need to get over my insecurities because no one was calling me ugly. She makes me feel even worse about it by pinning it on me! Saying its MY fault for getting offended at her comments.

Im SO TIRED of her and her friends telling me Im unattractive. Ever since I was little her friends were so mean to me because I don't look like her. Its disgusting and Im done with it. Im doing whatever it takes to achieve my goals because this year is not going to be this way. 2015, I refuse to wake up in the morning feeling less-than or not good enough. 

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Replies

  • Confidence and Happiness and look sexier, is what I get from my goal :)

  • Nothing more than a desire for a certain image. I wanna be tall, I wanna look a certain way, "I wanna be happy. I want to die in love." That last one is me quoting Lights, but okay.
  • Im sure thats exactly how she feels. She wants to be the only one to do anything. To be the most talented, to be the most beautiful, to be the most correct and it drives me insane. I try to see it as something that isn't the truth but it is hard because it is coming from your parent you know?

  • Oh I try, and she goes straight back to it. How am I supposed to change it when it's constantly being thrown in my face?

    • Think of it this way...let's say I tell you that you're a sorry excuse for a male. How does that make you feel? Nothing,because you aren't a male. Similarly, other peoples opinions cannot affect those whos don't resonate with what they are saying. It bothers you ONLY because you believe what she's saying, whether or not you say you do. Beliefs reinforce themselves, Other people just show you those beliefs.

      The solution Isn't proving anything to her, because from this place you can't change anyways, the solution is shifting the belief that she's showing you. Haven't you ever seen someone you'd consider "ugly" that always has confidence,dresses well, and is always having attractive partners? Those people usually have a belief that they are attractive, and since this is your reality, that's what they create. If someone were to try and tell them otherwise, it would hardly have an effect. You must develop that type of belief,and your reality will then show you...you guessed it: Your new belief! How you do that is up to you, but these things don't work the other way around. You can't change your appearance without changing your beliefs about your appearance first.
    • Stop blaming other people for your reality, no one determines it but you. Good luck!
    • you're really funny Zero 

  • All they are doing is reflecting your beliefs. Unfortunately she probably created the belief,so that's bad parenting,but the rules still apply. You gotta change your belief and your reality will follow.
  • Ali Rose, i agree exactly with what Peach said. I have dealt with a lot of jealous/insecure people all my life and I know exactly what makes them tick. I think your mother is jealous and there is some sort of competition going. People like that are never capable of being happy for others even if the "other" happens to be their own daughter/son. I know, because my this has happened in my own family - not so much looks-wise but about other things. She probably feels jealous because you are young, you are growing into your own best version of you and she can see that you also get complimented by guys and that makes her doubt and question her own looks (i.e. is she better looking than me?!). She probably feels that she is the only one entitled to male attention and tries to turn her insecurities on you. And one more thing - don't think that you are less attractive than her!!!! God knows, you are probably way better looking than she is, and that's why she probably feels like she needs to bring you down and doubt yourself. I am sorry I know its your mom, but she sounds incredibly immature for a grown woman. And as I said before, just because she is "family" it doesn't mean that what she says is necessarily the gospel truth. Parents also have insecurities and more often than not project them into their children unfortunately.

  • lol!! I hope you reach all of your goals Jahara! Thank you for replying <3

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