Well I'm sorry it has taken this long to share this but here it is.
It's been a few weeks, possibly a month that I went fishing for my love. It had been a few months that I hadn't spoken to him and I was feeling good and wondering about him so I wrote him saying so. I just said I was thinking about him and told him what i was up to and ended it with, "once you asked me why I even wanted to continue to speak to you, so here it is. You were a great friend, a positive influence in my life and made me believe in myself as much as you did." I didn't know if he would respond or not, but I sent the message with peace and was okay as long as I knew he read it, even if he didn't respond.
Well, how can you not respond to that :) He did. It was nothing profound, but he went from not responding to anything to actually responding! To me this was a milestone. I was able to re-establish something.... even if it wasn't much. After that we emailed shortly. He told me what he was up to and I told him how proud of him I was that he was doing everything he went there to do. And i guess that's when it hit me. I finally let go because I love him, even if he's still not in love with me, or thinks he's not, I have to really let him be. I have to let him live his dream and not feel bad about it. I felt so at peace and I believe so did he. I finally just said good luck to you and left it at that.
I don't know how we're going to meet again but I do know that I feel better and I feel love. I think about him ALL THE TIME, all the time. If I go somewhere and I think about him I say it or I let the memory happen. I can only hope that every time the universe is sending me signs of him, it's sending him signs of me too. I see hundreds of connections that we have that I never noticed, obviously because I didn't know him and I see all the ways God could bring him back into my life, BUT I know it probably won't be any way that I could expect, because then it wouldn't be as special as it's supposed to be.
So, in the mean time I've been focusing still on my career and the life I want to have to share with him. It's a step in the right direction, but I finally recognize that there are things I'm supposed to learn and do first just as he is. We are on seperate journeys together, and this is just the beginning :)