You can receive this by:

 

‎"Giving to yourself that which you wish to receive from others!" -

 

~ It means to display yourself as an example of what is possible. ~


 

Any thoughts on this, Ladies?

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  • Thank you both so much for such thoughtful caring replies.

    My first comment is based on a relationship I have been done with for years and can't get out of. I am so far away from home and from the loving support of my mom and my friends who give me strength. I just want to start this new chapter in my life already. But I am held back due to settling fiances and guilt.

    The second comment is trying to love everyone unconditionally. The "trying" is about a dear friend. I love her and have known her for years. She is going through an exceptionally trying time in her life. Her sister just passed away from cancer last week. So, I can't say anything to her. It's not the time. But, my wish for her is to learn from life's experiences, to grow from them rather than become angry and bitter. Resentment is killing her and there is nothing I can do or say I'm afraid that will enlightenen her. I've tried. And that is why I say, I try to unconditionally love her, but I feel sad for her. Maybe right now is not the time due to the enormous amount of stress she's been put under. Honestly, I don't know how she did it some days. But, I guess I do unconditionally love her because through this all, I have turned the other cheek many times or just let it go when I was hurt. Even when she complained that I never come out to see her because she moved so far away. I explained that I no longer had access to a car when I am home since my father passed away, but she was still upset with me, so I rented a car just to see her...and she cancelled on me. I was upset, but I had nice time visitng other friends.

    So yes, you are correct in what you are saying Morning Star that I have given of myself so much to both people. The relationship one, I am done with, but still need strength so see it through. My girlfriend, I will let it go for now since this is a bad time for her and I will be there for her because she really needs me right now. I flew out for the funeral and the next day we went to her sister's apartment to go through her things to lock up any valuables. I stayed waay to late and told her I do not drive well in the rain at night, but she would not let me leave. So, I stayed and I was terrified on the two hour drive back to my mother's. And yes, I rented a car. The only flight back was on Monday morning and I had to get up at 3am and go directly into work. Work has been very stressful lately and I was exhausted. I forgot to mention, I did the whole trip with a sinus infection and I am on antibiotics. On my flight back, I did think to myself, that I know she would not do this for me. But I'm ok with it. It's not in her nature and I accept that. I still know we have a great friendship there.

    And there is one other person from my past that I did not mention in the above statement, who absolutely deserves my unconditional love. I am trying, but even though I have forgiven the past my subconcious won't let me trust it completely and I hurt the relationship, but I hope to make it up to him someday, in some way. I think we both need to heal first in our own ways.

    Thank you both for your love and support.
    • You are very welcome Dawn.

      I understand your situation. You felt like you did bent backwards for your friend and she didn't seem to appreciate it. You stated that you are ok with it. Are you really? For the moment possibly "yes". The question is: Would you do this over and over again for her? How would it make you feel then? Some people can drain energy of you. Once you feel exhausted by constantly helping out, reaching out, to an extend that it brings you down I truly feel it is time to relax and to stop doing what you are doing or you are jeopardizing your own condition of health and happiness. She misses you but she wants you to make things happen in order to spend time together. Of course it is a sad situation with her father having passed away. I don't know if this was a one time occurrence where you gave to an extend where it was a bit of a burden on your behalf, or if this friendship with her has always shown signs of you being the one that is giving and her being on the receiving end of this relationship.

       

      We all go through it some way or another. Yet, it also is up to us to decide what we can deal with and what not. Any healthy relationship, may this be about an intimate relationship, between friends, family members, co-workers etc... can only feel healthy when both parties are generally happy with the way such a union is cared for.

       

      I think by removing yourself for a while helps you to recharge your batteries, so to speak, and give her the time and space to really think about what you did for her. Your loving and caring vibration may return to you in other forms, not necessarily from the same person that you have given to.

       

      Think about this: "Treating yourself well and making your well-being first priority will serve as an example for others that this is possible." When you then become open and receptive to receive from others gracefully you are also giving them the gift of your appreciation.

       

      It happens often that people are almost feeling guilty to receive. The most common phrase instead of bestowing 'the giver' with a heartfelt thank you and a smile is this: "Thank-you, but you shouldn't have..." It leaves a bad taste for the giver and blocks the flow of a joyful connection. One could think it is humble to respond this way yet it feels unsatisfactory when being in the presence of a person who gives off vibrations that they feel not good enough to receive.

      Not sure how this is in your case, Dawn, yet giving and receiving should never feel like a burden.

       

      As for this particular person from your past whom you've stated that he deserves your unconditional love, it seems that you don't trust to receive from him. This is a problem that is going on inside of you, almost that you fear that if you let him treat you well, that you don't trust it will stay this way, the fear that when you open up and relax it would turn around on you.

      I've been there with feeling this way. And maybe you are right, maybe that due to the vibration of your energy which would have finally allowed you to relax around him, then his vibration may have changed into something else that you would not want for yourself. Our intuition is an 'early warning system' in my opinion and we all would do well to heed it's messages by the way we feel about a situation or a person at any given moment.

       

      Here is a quote you might like:

       

                     ~ It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere. ~ 
                                                                                              - by Agnes Repplier

       


      Once we are exerting our own happiness into the world by Law Of Attraction we will attract people and circumstances into our lives whom exactly match that vibration, as it always does ;-)

      If I feel down or frustrated because of what the world is reflecting back to me, I know it is high time to change my vibration that I am sending out into the world. We are humans with all types of emotion going on on a daily basis. The only way I can manage them is by becoming fully aware of what it is that I FEEL at any given moment. Busy life styles often don't allow us to reflect upon our inner selves when we want to. A small tip: Taking a five minute bathroom break is helpful to take a breather and to do just that.

      Also, if we are experiencing tough moments where we cannot change anything there is always the option to simply detach from it through acceptance by understanding: "This too shall pass!" (Eckhart Tolle mentioned this in his book A NEW EARTH)  Once I do that I find myself relaxing into the situation and I immediately feel better.

      Hope this helps :-)

       

      Wishing you a wonderful day!

      Yvonne

       

       

       

    • Yes, I have felt that way, that I wanted to give up on the friendship, but we have been bestfriends since the day we met 27 years ago. I can't abandon her now in her time of need. It could be that it's been so stressful for her lately. I guess I am also frustrated that she unhappy in her marriage. Every other week she is going to leave him and then they make up and he's the greatest guy. I just want her to either accept and love him the way he is or move on because she gets so depressed. She is a such a smart beautiful successful woman who could do so much better. We do have great communication and we feel very comfortable with each other to share our deepest thoughts and those type of friendships are rare. That is the foundation of our friendship. I have been hurt by her on several occasions, and I do agree, if it continues, I may start pulling back.

      I do have plenty of time, more time than I care to admit to take care of myself, so I am fortunate in that way. Another dear friend mailed me a book this week , "Care of the Soul" by Thomas Moore. It was one of the best gifts I've ever received. I look forward to going to yoga tomorrow morning and coming home and begin reading my gift.

      As for the person from my past I didn't trust. It was because he was a a really good friend of mine. I really trusted him and he hurt me deeply many years ago. He came back into my life years later to tell me why he did what he did and I understood and forgave him. All he wanted was to be in my life again. He really loved (loves) me unconditionally and due to my mistrust, I did not treat him very well at times and he decided he didn't want to be treated that way. How can I blame him? I don't know what came over me, it definitely was not me. I told him how sorry I was. He says it was ok, he could never be mad at me, but he has really distanced himself. However, I know time heals all wounds and one day we will have a good long talk about it and hopefully we will be back to where we were. But you are right, that I felt many times that it wasn't going to stay that way. It could be because of what happened in the past between us or it could be that I feel now if a relationship does go well, I am afraid of losing that person. I have some abandoment issues I need to work on. Should I just tell myself I am a healthy individual who finds feels secure with myself and in my relationships?

      Anyway, right now, I have to work on me and the present situation at hand. Moving out and away finally from my current situation. I've been wanting to leave this relationship for a long time. But he keeps asking me to stay until this or that. I really want to get things moving now so I can go back home to renergize my sould and get my strength back with the loving support of my friends and family who are all waiting for me. But I don't want to hurt him either and the guilt and fear is horrible at times. But I know it's best for me... and I am not doing it to him, but I am doing it for myself. This relationship has been so emotionally draining for so many years. I should have left when it first started. He could live like this forever as long as I don't leave, but I can't bare another second. I feel like my life is on pause, while a whole new life is waiting for me out there. And you are right again, I keep thinking this time will pass and a year from now this will all finally be behind me and I will have a chance at a more peaceful meaningful positive life, that I deserve. Thanks again :)
    • Hello Dawn,

      I see what you are saying about your friend and her relationship problems. It must feel good to have such a long-year friend :-) There is no way to abandon the friendship, but let's say to give it some space while she is going through it and simply support her with listening to her when she needs a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes it isn't about giving advise but to "hear" a person by being present. I can understand that her pain is bothering you, because you love her so much. Yet, she has to walk her own path and learn from her personal experience and when she is ready to change something about her life, she will. It will come naturally to her, no matter what anyone else says or advises. She will find her own time to make different choices, live by her own pace, as you do too ;-) The fact that you are her friend who cares and listens to her is a wonderful support. Still, you have boundaries and that is ok. and keeps you healthy after all.

       

      Thanks for sharing information about this book by Thomas Moore. I did not read it yet, but it is bookmarked now :-)

       

      As for your friend from the past there is to say that it always takes the energy of two which creates a third kind and combined energy. Since he hurt you in  for you serious ways before it is just normal to start to mistrust. Our inner 'alarm-system' does work! ... lol ... Of course he didn't want to face the music after he hurt you, and it is very well and healthy to having taken a break from each other. Also, I think it is important for you, Dawn, that you determine what you really want from him, or still want, I should say. Most of all I don't see any satisfaction in going back to where it was, since that would make you both stuck in the same old, same old. I am not sure if it is possible to improve a unison of two people if the personal energy field is still the same on both ends. It may be important to access your own energy system as you said, you need to heal.

      I don't know how this is with him. In life, so I noticed, it is only possible to create "Happy Moments" not to plan way ahead. I say this, because when you read a book, for example, you have the choice to skip ahead, but you still don't get all the essentials as if so you'd paid full attention to all details. Just a thought ;-)

      Most of all: "How deep do you personally feel for him?" Is he "the One?" ...

       

      You also speak of your current situation concerning your present relationship. I assume it isn't him, but someone else? ... (whom you chose to leave, because you are unhappy). Let me know if I understood this correctly. Either way, I truly believe that if you have the chance to rejoice with your family and friends it can have healing effects for you. You are to take care of YOU, first and foremost. No-one else will. You (we all have) have been born into this world to do one thing: "Take care of your God-Given heart, mind and soul. This is your true and ONLY business! Everyone else is to learn from their experiences as it is their god-given gift to nourish themselves through exerting the right of "Free Will of Choice", which has also boundaries to 'mind their own business'. I get the notion that he is trying to make you feel guilty if you simply want to be you! This isn't right, in my opinion, whether he does it consciously or unconsciously. Still, it is your duty to take charge of making decisions from your heart center FOR YOU! - not against your better knowing. We can only reap what we send-out. If you send out insecurity of exerting your plan to move back home, he will feel this vibe and feed of it. Only if you can come up with a final and clear decision from your heart will you be able to move forward by starting to take the first step, one after the other, moving forward - use your intuition - by doing what simply feels right for you. The guilt issues are self-implemented through what you allow yourself to think.

      If you love him deeply and if you feel this is the One you wish to spend the rest of your life with, then stay, but start working on you by changing way of how you with him on a daily basis. Make yourself a concept of how you will respond when certain things and behaviors on his behalf come up. Script it if you need to. Study it so your response will be a RESPONSE, not a reaction. "Response" means to be responsible which creates a position of being solid and sure. You will feel this too once you are communicating your principals clearly. Most of all be certain what it is that YOU WANT without feeling sorry for anyone else. He will not be happy if you just stay because you "don't want to hurt his feelings". His feelings are more hurt as he can sense you are not 'fully there' with him. It comes across as dishonesty, in my opinion.

      Change is always a bit uncomfortable, since this may be what is holding you back personally. When you learn to see change as a necessary 'adventure' in order to keep things afloat for you and everyone else around you, you may not feel so reluctant anymore to make a first step. Either way you are the "Master of your own Universe" and that's that! :-) You have the power and the right to make decisions and evoking change. Most of all you are to heal you first, so you are stable and strong, and then to support others if you so wish ... and I mean not to give yourself to the ones whose energy is bringing you back down, BUT to shine your light as an example of what is possible! - Keep it burning Dawn - The choice is yours :-)

      ~ Always speak your Truth! ~

       

      Hugs,

      Yvonne.

       

       

       

    • Yvonne, just wanted to say "thank you again" for yor thoughtful reply. It's been a really rough work week. It's getting better, but I had a lot catching up to do around the house. I will be able to respond more over the weekend.

      - ND
    • You are very welcome New Dawn :-)

      Myself had a 'head cold' over the past few days. I know how things can be from time to time. We just have to "go with it" ;-)

       

      Wishing you a wonderful and joyous week-end!*****

      Yvonne

    • You are very welcome Dawn. I will reply more in detail on Monday. Myself had a busy Saturday - my little one was home all day and we had a Block Party, too. Tomorrow I have to travel for 2hrs for her to see her dad and then we have to come back in the evening, since she is ready for school on Monday morning. It's gotten late .... so I just stopped-by to letting you know that I read your message. One thing: "I truly believe your are doing very well getting your life straightened out." No guilt please .... no-one is apt to live in an unhappy relationship..... but more about it Monday ;-)

      Until then ... "Have a very blessed rest of the week-end" ...

       

      Hugs,

      Yvonne :-)

       

    • Thanks so much for dropping the note. Thank is very considerate of you. Of course, we get busy through the day.

      I hope you have a nice day with your little one. Safe travels.

      ND
  • Hello New Dawn,

     

    I feel a bit of sadness in your comment.

    You also mention 'one friend'.

    This person may mean a lot to you, but seems to also disappoint.

     

    I have my own perception about the word "try".

    It carries a vibration of "not being there yet".

    Trying can come across as "still fishing in the dark".

    I'd suggest you change your approach to this particular friend and find a sound-proof concept to deal with whatever it is that is disappointing you about him/her.

     

    You may wish to step outside of yourself and look at it from a stand-point as if so you were a business, or simply give your self advise how to handle the situation from a non-personal view-point. Better yet, ask yourself what your advise would be if you had to evaluate this particular problem as an outsider looking in?

    Imagine two random people dealing with the same exact issue that you and your friend are dealing with.

    How would you handle the situation then? What would you tell that random person that has now taken on the role of 'playing you'?

     

    This is a great exercise and helps you to take your personal feelings out of it for a moment and to see clear.

    Write your suggestions and advice down, if it helps you, so you can always come back to it later as a reminder when dealing with your friend again.

     

    You may also wish to evaluate your own thoughts and feelings (your perception) when communicating with him/her. We often have misunderstandings with someone else when we are implementing a certain intention upon that other person, not even sure if our perception IS the place he, or she is actually coming from.

     

    What is it that this person is triggering within you?

    What type of feelings do you feel and why?

    Are there similarities of past experiences with someone else?

    Is that what we perceive and feel from and about someone else really THAT what  he/she actually meant to say, or is it something we have placed there, because it has happened solely in our own minds?

     

    Not sure how good and long of a friendship you and this person have.

    How well do you know this person's quirks?

     

    In any case you have the right to chose if you wish to participate, or not.

    It is about staying focused on you and what you could, would and allow yourself to tolerate from what not.

    There is no anger in this, because you have the right to say "No" just as Morning Star is stating in her comment.

     

    It is important to put yourself first by understanding that in case there is any violation of your life principals from him/her to you that you refuse to participate!!!

     

    There may be other levels where you both get along and some topics where you just can't come together, and that's ok. ;-)

    Focus on the good things that you love and appreciate about this person, and simply remove your presence when he/she brings about things that are against your better knowing!

    Be still and calm about it - be peace - understand that the choices you make, the words you speak at every moment you are sharing the same space with him/her (mentally and/or physically) you are empowered by what is good, right and just for you.

    I truly believe that this is the highest form of honesty you can display. Truth spoken with calm conviction comes straight from the heart. It feels open, light and carries a vibration of a certain power that comes from deep within.

    It brings about healing effects for you as it has them for the person that receives your message since all becomes clear.

    No doubts, no guessing, no arguing - a statement made, an action set forth by BEING the example for then to move on by releasing it, walking away (letting it go) gives the other one the chance to really think about it.

     

    It serves to create a space where conditions are not even discussed anymore. IT IS WHAT IT IS!

    Un-Conditional - Un-Doing - Un-inhibited and therefore pure :-)

     

    Be still, be peace, stand tall by shining your light!

    All power lays in stillness, just like the bottom of an ocean bed.

     

    Have a wonderful day .... It's a 'New Dawn' - just like your name says.

    I'm sure you chose this name for a reason ;-)

    Yvonne

  • I wish for myself the freedom to begin a new life for myself.

    I try to give unconditional love, support and understanding to the people I love. It's not always easy all the time with one friend :) But, I try!
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