I have been reading up on LOA and reading some of these many responses. It all seems so clear. I have always attracted guys who have put me down and never accepted me truly for who I was and would put me down and try to change who I was. The longest relationship of nine years has ended up in two daughters I truly love of two and four. There father kicked me out several times finally after about six months or so I had moved on from him and was living with a lady from church. I was happy and confident in myself and one of my long time older friend's son came into town to live in Ohio from California. I had always though he was attractive but at the time ten years before he was dating a girl who he eventually married (his high school sweatheart he knew her when he was 16)They got married young when he was 19 and they only stayed married for two years. He was caught cheating on her. he said he could count on one hand the times they were sexually together. So he cheated because he wasn't  being fulfilled sexually he also said she would put him down as well on occasion. We met and it hit it off. there was such chemistry and we both felt we were so lucky to have each other. He said he felt like he had always know me. he was kind loving and a very soft hearted guy which i loved. we were so good together. There was a lot of drama with my kids dad though he was angry at first then he tried to control me to get me back and then finally he said he loved me and couldn't live without me. He even caused me to doubt my new love for Jason. (I'm sure this didn't help Jason and my's relationship either) but I didn't realize it at the time. My family even felt I should give him another chance. I didn't want to give my children father another chance I loved Jason. We moved into an apartment together and shortly after found out he was talking to his ex wife still. I showed concern and told him that I felt it probably was not good for our relationship for him to be talking to her. His dad later told me he over heard her and him on the phone outside of our apartment and he said to her just say the word and he would go be with her. She didn't want this at the time. A couple weeks later he was going to leave and go back to California told me she was the one. I initially told him how much I loved him didn't want him to go ecetra... then I changed my tune and told him to do what he needed to do that i loved him and wanted him to stay but if thats what he felt he needed to do than to go do it. He decided to stay, I left my two daughter s with him for two hours while I was in class and he decided to send my daughter to her room for a nap since she was sick this was a BAD idea. My daughter is strong willed  (she's four) and she pounded on the door and I'm sure kicked pounded excetra... she can be almost like she's possed when she gets out of sorts and throws a tantrum. He probably tried to open the door to keep her from causing damage to the apartment and he caught her finger in the door (I'm sure he didn't realize since she was already screaming) her finger nail got ripped off :( . He said then she went right out on the couch and took a nap. I'm sure after all the screaming and shock/pain of losing her finger nail she was pretty tired so she slept. I got home and realized her finger was hurt. I was sick inside my baby was hurt i knew it was an accident on his part but i didn't know how to feel about it. I thought it looked weird and like he finger nail was gone and was going to take her to the doctor. I was a little standoffish with him. I gave him a hug and then left. I for got some paper work however and then came back to get it. Jason was packing up his car to leave! He said he felt I didn't want him there any way so he was going to go. I told him I didn't want him to go and so on and he left anyways. two hours later he was in Indianapolis and he turned around and came back only to leave the next day anyways. He said if was meant to be he'd come back. His dad said he'd come back as well. So he spent the weekend there and told me he'd call me Saturday evening and didn't till the next day he told me Sunday he was coming back of course I was ecstatic. He met up with his ex on Monday though and come to find out later they where together sexually. He came home to me and we smoked some green after he proceeded to tell me that he had been with his ex and that he felt he loved her and couldn't be with me. (leave it to a guy to wait till i was inebriated to tell me this) I started crying into his chest I loved him so much. Despite all he said I mad love with him any way. He cried and I asked why? he said it was the happiest he had ever been, he also said why was he being so stupid that I was everything he had always wanted and more. We had a great next few days he acted like he was going to stay and that he was going to tell Valarie that he was going to be with me. He stayed about another two weeks or so all the while I of course was trying to keep him by showing him how much I loved him and so on, I even tried going on a date to make him jealous after he had semi decide he was going to go back to her, but was waiting for her to decide she wanted him back for sure. (all the while she didn't know he had moved back in with me and he was still being interment with me) the jealous thing kind of worked but not really. In the end I asked him why he had talked about me moving to California and how he loved me and told me I was his soul mate and how he felt like he had known me his entire life and so on. I asked him do you love her more than me and he said no that she was just the One. He said that I was better than her in every way. he also said at one point that if I didn't have kids it might have been different. I think at that point though he was just trying to find things to justify to himself his going back. His dad is kinda psychic and told me he would be back that if it didn't work the first time it wouldn't work a second time. He did call me  and tell me he was coming back and that it wasn't what he thought it would be, and that he would leave the next day wrote Valerie a letter and everything. I didn't hear anything and then finally he texts me to tell me he isn't coming back that his mom convinced him to stay a little while longer. He told me he was sorry to get my hopes up. we remained friends on Facebook and snap chat and i unfollowed his page without un-friending him so I wouldn't see his posts as it was hard to not think of him all the time. His dad told me that they where going on vacation together and the weekend he was suppose to be withe her he snaps me telling me he wished i was there with him, I found out later for some reason they didn't go together. he would occasionally tell me he missed some sexual things and so on... I would get snaps from him and i could tell it was just to see if I was still checking them. He even told his dad at one point he wasn't sure who he still wanted to be with. Eventually he got kicked out of the apartment that he shared with his ex and her sister and her female partner. He got his own place and Valerie didn't move in with him because she didn't like the place. His dad told him to take off the rose colored glasses. His dad and I felt that if she really loved him she would move with him no matter what. Next thing I know from his dad His mom who is Rich loaned Valarie money to buy a condo and she put a good size down payment on the place. Jason name is not on the title and yes since she put a good amount down he is paying on the mortgage. His dad says its a way for his mom to control him through Valerie. It has been eight months since he Left and the hurt has mostly gone I can look at pictures of her and him and it no longer hurts I don't really go to his page much any more as I know this is center productive he has dropped off in contacting me and I am mostly focusing on getting trough nursing school. I stir love him and want him back though. His dad says he will be back and this time he will break up with her I believe him as he has had psychic impressions before (he can't choose what he see though, its just the universe giving him random impressions about lots of things) but they have always been right and happened. I just don't know when and I want it to happen sooner than later. How can I make this happen sooner. Any insight into the situation and what I can do would be great. he changed his number and dint tell me( i know from his dad) but recently texted me saying it was him and that he had changed his number and he would be able to pay me back soon that we would keep in touch and he hoped all was well with me and how much he appreciated me helping him out. (I had landed him the money to get back out here the first time) I said sure and that I hoped all was well with him too. He said thanks and it was! and I haven't talked to him since. Thanks for reading my book! Oh I for got to add after he left my apartment became moldy and I had to move back in with my kids dad as he wouldn't help me with our girls other wise. He doesn't know I love Jason but he does subconsciously  know I don't care for him.

Arielle