How can i help myself?

Hello everyone!Its been a while since i last got on this site. But for the past few days i have been meaning to note down my thoughts and release my heavy heart.I would really appreciate everyone who reads this to give me your feedback and opinion.I am in a relationship with a man who i deeply care and i am falling in love with but i am not sure if he feels the same. I am not sure if i am doing anything wrong. But all i want from him is to give me and show me the same love and affection i show and give towards him. He was married before and now for a while he has been single, living alone. I am not sure if he likes being alone or if he is just use to having his space.Or the past experiences have felt a scare. I sometimes feel down when i don't hear from him and don't if i didn't or said anything wrong to upset him. I don't really know how to deal with this and every time i try i tend to cry and get scared.Secondly i love to dance salsa. I have always wanted to be confident and graceful when dancing. At the moment i am taking dancing lessons. My teacher tells me to relax my arms cause they feel very tensed and till today i have figured how to relax my arms.I truly believe that we can achieve anything we want ...and that nothing is impossible.I really want things to work out between my boyfriend and me and also to attain confidence that i am lacking in salsa dancing. I would really appreciate it if anyone reading my note would be able to help me.Thank you in advance,Have a wonderful day!God Bless and keep smiling :)Blush

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  • Blush...relationships are hard work and two people have to be committed to seeing a vision of the relationship. It sounds like there is not a lot of communication going on and you being afraid of space is something you may have to look at. Sounds like he has a hard time putting his emotions forward and I have to say that half the men that I know and some females have the same issues. You have to ask yourself what is it that you want and can you live with what he cannot do as well as what he can do. Sometimes when people come out of long term relationships there is a period of adjustment were the other person needs space to find themselves and figure out who they really are within themselves and within a relationship. I feel like communication is the key...if this cannot happen, how does the relationship thrive? The other thing is that you need to keep dancing and get into your own life and let him deal with his... Stop worrying about it...and what you think he may feeling about you or it....and deal with what you have to do for you...if you want a relationship with a loving, affectionate and open communicator...chances are you might be looking elsewhere for it...because it doesn't sound like he is what you want or need. Be well my friend and take care of you first....

  • Hi Blush,
    Firstly if you harbor any fears of losing the man- then lose the fears because you can never lose anyone as you never own them.
    secondly you need to figure out if this man has become your 'connection to feeling good or loved' and if he has then you need towork on loving yourself and centering yourself so your connection to feeling good and to love come from within. Once you do that you will find yourself doubting less and being more confident, and then as Tat and Danielle rightly suggest, keep yourself busy and happy.

    As for salsa dancing- if your arms feel tense, then as louise hay suggests- work on the affirmation 'I embrace all of life's experiences with love and confidence. I trust only right action takes place in my life.' maybe that is all you need..
    Take care
    happy dancing!
  • If I were you, I would tell him how you feel, however, in a positive tone. I think the energy of being scared and being afraid of losing him is something that he can (or perhaps, already does) feel, and I don't think it's a very positive (not to mention very attractive) vibe that he may be getting from you. Before you talk to him, try and enjoy the moment of being with him and not worry about the future. Think positive vibes ;-) .

    I wouldn't be afraid to tell him how you feel because everything you feel, you are entitled to feel! And a GOOD MAN will respect you for being strong and showing your emotions, because it shows that you respect yourself and won't compromise yourself, over being afraid of what he may think of you for feeling the way that you do. I don't know exactly how you are feeling, but if it was me I may say something like "I feel like I'm starting to fall for you, but I want to know where this is going & how you feel before we go any farther"..Or something Don't compromise yourself! Just put it in a positive way, not in a needy or scared way that portrays you're afraid of losing him, but instead that you are putting yourself & your needs & desires 1st.

    I think for woman, it can be difficult because we can sometimes think that our emotions are a weaknesses, but in fact they are a strength, & yes, some men are intimidated by that strength but no good man will chastise you for your feelings....The salsa thing is interesting, because it sounds like it is all the fear that you are holding in and the vibe is making you tense!

    I wish you luck! I'm guessing a lot of us have been where you are--I know I have! Keep us posted!

    Peace & Happiness,

  • Hi Blush,

    Ok for the salsa; I wouldn't even worry about the salsa. It sounds to me like you're really passionate about wanting to excel in it and be graceful and confident when you're dancing. I would just be persistent and for the time being, just keep pretending that you're say, competing in dance tournaments and that you're a really talented dancer. I think in time you'll actually believe that you're a really good salsa dancer, and everyone will be wanting to salsa with you. :)

    Now for the man...I'm not sure how long you've been in your relationship with this man, I'm guessing it's a very new relationship, but if I were you, I'd worry less about what he thinks about you, and let him worry more about you think about him. Are you in an exclusive relationship? If not, I'd consider seeing other men if I were you. Which means, I'd keep yourself really busy with friends, or whoever, let him think you have too many friends, plans, etc. and that he is the lucky one to have you in his life because he is! I wouldn't accept last minute plans. Of course when you do see him enjoy the time, be your most enchanting & confident self, don't appear scared, needy or clingy because that screams desperation a mile away. I am confident that this will work for you in the same way it's worked for me. And yes you can also visualize to yourself that you have this man that is crazy about you. Well, some people might agree with me, some might not, we are all different and what works for some doesn't work for anyone;

    Best of luck to you hon,
    PS Keep me posted
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