I feel hopeless and ashamed...please help

Hello everyone! I have been in a month and a half long relationship with a man. Everything was fine in the beginning and then when i told him what i really wanted, he told me that we should be together because our goals and dreams where not the same and that i should be with someone that shares the same as me. I am 28 and told him that eventually i would want to settle down and have a family someday. But he on the other hand is 35 and was married to a women who he says cheated on him and had a child but and year and a half later he finds out that the baby wasn't his so they divorced and he showed me the divorced papers. A week and a half later after he old me why we could be together he came back telling me that he really thought deep but us and wanted me to give him an other try so i did. And now i feel he is avoiding me. Doesn't call or talk the way we use to anymore. I tried to confront him and ask him if he felt i was over crowing him or if he really wanted to be in this relationship and he in turn ended up making me feel stupid but asking me the same question back.I feel ashamed lost and horrible inside. I have not idea what to think or how to feel. Its feels like i have lost someone who was very dear to me. I am trying my best to try not to thing about him but all i end up doing is thinking. PLEASE help me. I really need to move on and have no clue how i can. I am not mad or angry with him but i am hurt that he being so mature and old hasn't had the courtesy to confront the situation and rather is running away from it and we both know that there is something wrong in our relationship. I don't know if he wasn't me to break up with him or what the deal is. I feel so confused at this point because he hasn't said a word.I will appreciate it a lot if anyone could hear me out and help me. Thanks in advance and have a great Easter everyone.Take care,Good Wishes and God Bless.Blush

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  • *sigh* bear w/ me and my bluntness:

    he doesn;t want the relationship anymore and as some man are, is too coward to tell u that is do the breaking up so he will be distant and hopes u do something abt it or he he's not sure what he wants w/ you, which pretty much still isn;t music to your ears. i will have to say that after a little over a month, it might have been too soon to talk abt settling down, no matter how old u are. It also doesn;t matter what his past current situation is (divorced, kids) that's not gnna really stop a guy from getting into a serious relationship. sure he might be hesitant at first but if he really thinks that person is for him, it doesn;t matter. what u have to realize is u shouldn't care if ur that girl or not? U should be deciding if he;s the one for YOU.

    i know how cliche it all sounds but after seeing countless relationships w/ my many friends and having my own, I can;t stress enough how important a woman's confidence, self-love, self-respect is the most beautiful thing that a guy sees (and i have many guy friends). the fact that you're waiting for him or letting him determine where u are at in this relationship and he is basically not paying attention is not treating yourself right. You already know that u should move and that's great. Don't look back (only if truly apologizes and changes on the spot).

    the hard part is where u are human.....when u move on ur gnna have to go through the pain of it. you'll get over it eventually but there's no quick fix but there's a better fix: reminding urself why it's better not to be w/ him, why ur great and u have so much to look forward to, do things u like w/ friends, take some time for yourself and then DATE. DATE for fun.....not to find marriage. sometimes when we;re not looking it happens. I myself am waiting for that right person but i'm not gnna search for him.

    anyway, hope this helps. good luck Blush.

    • I made this video in August after my finance broke up with me over another woman-this was the most devastating thing that I could ever had imagined,we were going to be married.Anyways I turned my tears to diamonds.Its an incredible story and kinda long butI made this video with what I wanted and I got everything on this video!I just got married on Feb 14th!
      Now here is the amazing news-I changed myself,my self love and everything changed in my life.
      I ended up marrying the fiance that broke up with me because HE HAD CHANGED SO VERY VERY MUCH BUT GUESS WHAT?It was me who had changed.
      I have no idea if this is the right man for your life or not,but if you develop your own self love you will without a doubt attract the right one-it may be him in a new improved version or it may be someone else,but you must absolutely must let go of him as the outcome and do as these beautiful people suggest-put yourself first.Hope you like my video-Make a list and photos and dreams and manifest.Ive got that diamond at the end of the movie to prove it works.love and blessings BB
  • Hi,
    I know it is not a good feeling when you are confused and hurting inside, but the best thing that you can do is just let this guy go. He seems quite indecisive and seems to have low self esteem.
    the most important thing is that there is absolutely no need to feel ashamed lost and horrible inside. just be caring and loving to your inner self. forgive yourself for this. get the lesson. next time you find yourself getting into a relationship- state your intention of "settle down and have a family" right in the beginning. that way u will weed out the candidates who are not serious about you.
    everyday follow Louise's personal mantra- affirm- " I LOVE AND APPROVE OF MYSELF".
  • I know you really care about this guy but the important thing right now is to focus on YOU. I don't know him but to me he sounds like a player and doesn't really know what he wants. In the meantime do you really want to be waiting around for him? I don't think so. You should keep yourself as busy as possible, surround yourself with positive people like close friends, maybe exercise more or surround yourself in nature, do whatever it is that makes you happy. I agree though with Rachael to keep "dreaming of your ideal situation" really visualize what you want to happen and believe that it will manifest for you. Who knows maybe you're meant to be with another wonderful guy and not this current one...?
    Best of luck to you hon,
    tat:)
  • Dear Blush,
    I have found Buddist Dharma soooo very helpful when dealing with situations of extreme dissapointment like this. Do you have Dharma meetings in your area? The Kadampa Buddist Tradition is very good, and will also teach you meditiation as well.
    If you are not into this idea, mabey try listening to one of the wonderful speakers on HayHouseRadio. (Wayne Dyer is very good).
    I wish you the best possible outcome in all of this. It may be hard to see it right now, but it could actually be a blessing in disguise. Keep dreaming of your ideal situation without any attachment or "grasping" at details. (i.e him).
    Bless you, and take care.
    Love Rachael
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