Death, Free Will and Guilt


      Please be gentle with me, as I've just lost someone very close to me. It's not yet been a month. 

I'm struggling with the idea that if we create everything in our lives, and not only our lives but the behaviour and the experiences we have with other people (I'm not even sure that I believe this but for the purpose of trying to assuage how I feel right now, it would make sense to operate from that belief), then that would somehow make me culpable for the death of this person. And I just can't accept that, because if I do accept that I am responsible for everything that I experience, including this person's death, then that means that I killed them. I tried to visualise and believe that they'd improve, but it got to a stage at the hospital where I hadn't slept in 2 days and was trying to stay awake to visualise while dreading the nurses knocking on the door of the relatives room to tell us that they only had 20 minutes left. My body stole its own sleep, it had to, even in little 5 minute snatches. I feel that I failed them, that I didn't save them. That if I stayed up all night and had visualised and prayed fervently, then they could've lived. But I then believe that the physical body HAS to die at some stage, so no-one can be saved by anyone else - when your number comes up, it comes up. It's a soul decision, maybe. 

To give a bit of background to the death, the person concerned had wanted to die. Not in a depressive way, but just due to their age and their health, they didn't want to carry on. They had done so since a stroke last year but feared a bigger one. There were other health problems. Mounting fear. Mounting weariness, I guess. And they'd recently confided in someone that they were 'ready to go.'

Like a lot of people, I discovered LOA when someone I loved left me. And I've never really managed to reconcile whether you can 'get someone back,' or not. What the extent of free will means, whether we're all connected, whether you can influence people. But it would help me so much if someone wiser than me, maybe who's gone through this themselves, would be able to give me a perspective on this that can assist me at this time

Thank you


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  • Hi Mary,

                 Thank you so much for your reply. I felt a little vulnerable at some points yesterday, having posted what I did but to get a response filled with so much understanding and assurance has helped immeasurably. 

    I have to head out to my GP now but I'll be back later on today where I'll write a little more. A lot of what you say makes sense to me, whilst some more has raised questions but overall, to know that he died because he was, as you say, 'done,' makes sense in many ways; he'd even recently told a neighbour that he was 'ready to go,' which kind of says it all. 

    Thank you SO much, Mary - you've really helped


  • Hi Sarah...

    First, let me assure you that you did NOT 'kill' this person. And you are in no way culpable for their leaving.

    My condolences to you... it's understandable to feel sad when losing someone's physical presence. But let me also assure you that all really is well. Death is as natural as birth, despite the messages we seem to get culturally... and when we're done here on Planet Earth, we really are ready to move on.

    So you might benefit more from asking yourself why you would want to hold a loved one here when they are ready to go? People are ready to go when they're simply not flowing enough interest to engage in the game called Life on Planet Earth. The interest can fade for a variety of reasons... and a body that's breaking down seems like a very understandable reason to me. It would be so wonderful if more of us explored being ready to let people go so we could do so in love instead of fear.

    The truth is that no one really 'dies' without their agreement. You do create your experiences... but this does NOT mean you control others choices or behaviors. Those are very different things. In fact, the whole concept of 'get someone back' really makes no sense when you start to understand how what we create really has nothing to do with any other specific person. Oh, I know... people want to believe they can only have certain experiences with certain people... but that's a limitation that simply doesn't exist except in our minds. It's actually a testament to our creative abilities that we buy into the idea of limitations.

    So take a deep breath and as you feel a smile creep across your face put out a celebratory cheer for your loved one and express your appreciation for the fact that they shared their walk here with you and now they are feeling wonderful. Ask them to stay in touch and wish them well. All really is well -- for them and for you. 

    Hope that helps.

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