Hi all conscious creators.
Just wanted to share my recent experience, how I used LoA and Hoóponopono, affirmations, visualizations when my ex threatened to kill me, which happened for five months ago.
I lived with my partner for a year in his house. It was an abusive relationship, he was a borderliner and I was a codependent, but I didn´t know about all this when we met. So the relationship was really dramatic, a lot of conflict and pain. I thought that this wasn´t what I was signing up for. But I had.
Before I met him, I used to make affirmations a lot, and one of the affirmations was that I had all the protection I needed in the universe. I really got in to my affirmations, and did them with passion. But I forgot to ask for inner peace and feelings of total selfconfidence in the relationship. So it was all about insecurities and fear, due to a borderliners need of triangulation, and feeding off of my insecurities. He was active on several dating sites, and I "caught" him in the act, which I suppose was his intention. The whole relationship was really traumatic for me, because of all the drama. I hate drama, and also forgot to affirm about a peacful relationship. All this caused a lot of anxiety in me, and fear.
So the day he threatened me, I left his house after I caught him with this dating stuff going on. I got angry and threw some of his cd:s on the carpet. After that I left the house, and took the train to my son. A while later the ex came after me with his car, and called me on the phone. He was recorded on my voicemail, and yelled totally crazy, that he was going to kill me, at least fifty times he yelled this. I was so afraid that I called the police, and they got here just five minutes before he came to my door. The police found a precipitated folding knife in his pocket!! He was really going to do it!! They took him in to the station, and he was in custody for two nights. After that they let him out.
So he sued me for the cd:s, and in my country when someone threats your life, you don´t have any rights to undo a police report. So it was a fact that this was going to court, and I wasn´t able to do anything to influence that. Other people had power over me, and that was painful. He sued me and the city sued him for the threats. I had to wait for five months until the actual trial in court, and this fear has been terrifying. I´ve had immense anxiety and fear to handle this situation, and also the fear of the ex maybe contacting me. And in my country the loser in a trial gets to pay the laywer of the opponent. So the fear was also to get to pay for his lawyer and also for mine. And the ex of course did deny any of what he did. He accused me of being jealous, that´s why we had problems according to him.
The only thing I could do was to every day just make affirmations, visualiztions about the endresult. Most of the time I was so afraid, but I did my affirmations, visualizations, and also Hoóponopono about everything that had with the trial to do. I sent love to the courtroom, to the camera that I knew was going to film the whole thing, the chairs everybody was going to sit in. I sent love to the floor, the ceiling, the space in the room, to the door. The people who somehow had anything to do with the trial. And also all the papers that somehow was involved in the trial. And I sent love to every thought that ever has been thought and ever will be thougth of in the future about the trial. Anything I could think of. Even though I was afraid all the time. I also visualized myself opening the mail and seeing myself jumping around with happiness because I´ve won the trial.
I had an obsessive/compulsive thinking about this whole thing all the time. It was totally exhausting. I had insomnia due to this overthinking. I wanted to win the whole thing. I wanted to be sentenced as innocent in the accusations he did to me.I had to wait for five months until it went to the court. I was at the court last week, and met my ex for the first time since it happened. I had a restrainingorder for him, so he would go to jail if he tried to contact me. So last week I was in court, it was really painful and scary. I was questioned for an hour. Yesterday the result came in my mail.
And I won. Everything. It will only cost me a small fine of maybe 70 dollars or less. Don´t need to pay for any lawyer.
I have made this experience my spiritual exercise, I see it as an opporutnity to see what my resistance is about, what my fears are about. I have had a strong identification with my personality and my thinking. I have learned that I am so much more than my thoughts or my personality, I have a much greater power than my "little me", my fearful me . Through this experience I have come to know myself more.
I´ve found inner peace through the teachings of Sri Mooji, and Eckhart Tolle. They remind me of that the peace is in the present moment. That not to think about the past nor the future. The creative power is in the present momet, in the Now. I watched videos on Youtube by them, and the peace is vast, spaceous. And I know that I always can access that, whatever the outer circumstances are. The love is inside me, always, and there is the peace also. The only thing I need to do is to tune in to the Now, to my inner sourse, where all my power is.
I know that I created the whole experience. I don´t see myself as a victim, I see that I am responsible for my own experience. And the universe has my back, I had all the protection that I really needed. My life was saved.
So I don´t take my affirmations lightly, they are really heavy stuff. They are creating reality, for real.
I wont ask for protection, because that will create a threat, in order to be able to also create the protection itself.
What I´ve learned: make other affirmations, like:
I live in a loving and supporting universe
I feel totally loved and accepted in my relationship
The love is all around me, everywhere, all the time, and the universal love flows easily through my experience
I am an attractor of good things and situations
I have all the relevant support I need in every situation
I experience total inner peace in my loving relationship
I easily feel selflove in all lifes situations
Inner peace is within me and I just need to tune in to it
People treat me really nice