I'm in the mood for be-all and end-alls today.Are relationships really the be-all and the end-all? I would dearly appreciate some guidance on this.I have never really had a relationship before, and I guess there is some fear around them, but I look at the relationships of the people I know and think, " why would I want to end up in one of those? "So many relationships I know of end in what I call the 'ups'. Coupled-up, mortgaged-up, fed-up, lumbered with debt, bickering, finding faults with each other, getting the seven-year itch, co-dependency, hitting the glass ceiling and not being able to grow.And my mates are all encouraging me to have one. And I just think, " no thanks, I can't see how they would bring me any kind of joyful growth and happiness. "In fact, I can't think of any truly happy and contented couples. Just people regressing into stagnation once the initial rocket-whoosh of attraction wears off.This doesn't mean that I haven't considered having one before, but the fears have got in the way a number of times.Maybe I'm just being a grumpy sod (one of those days today) needing to be educated, and would like somebody to do so. Why do people reckon that relationships are the be-all and end-all, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?What is the big deal, and what are the positives about them, which I am missing out on?Thanks for your 'educations'

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  • http://www.litairian.com/faith-in-universe/

    Can answer some questions
  • I've heard that too a couple of times and I don't understand it.  I DON'T think it's selfish, I mean they WANTED to have kids I want to be childfree so what.  Guys can be as bad!  A few months ago I had two guys wanting me to marry them and have their baby.  It seemed to come out of the blue!  I could easily come up with reasons why me personally HAVING kids would be selfish, but the thing is I don't judge people who have kids so when I was judged for choosing to not have kids it was kinda annoying.

    Sometimes I gotta say it society's message language bomb sorry piss me off!  But i think the thing is to realize whatever it is they are saying we don't have to listen and we don't have to follow along unless we want to.  I love that quote in the Secret so much "We don't all want the same things...we don't all go for the same things." 

    For me at this stage it's DIFFERENT messages I need to learn to ignore and keep replacing them with positive ones that are a better match for me and what I want including in my lovelife. 

  • Oh dear, back in grumpy sod mode today and looking for more answers.

    From what I have seen, people just become emotionally-dependent cloth-heads once they get into a relationship for too long. They 'can't live without' their significant other, and feel sad when they are not there.

    This doesn't seem healthy to me. Another reason for finding alignment and loving YOURSELF first, rather than diving into a relationship because everyone else says that it would be good for you.

    And so many people talk of relationships as if the grass is greener on that particular side, but I don't think it necessarily is. You could just be replacing one morass for another.

    Don't you need to find happiness where you are first of all, before anything else?

    And just because you aren't married off with a pair of screaming kids smashing the place up, doesn't mean that you are in some way defective or selfish. Yet a lot of people have this opinion. Why is this?

    And yet, all of this is counter balanced by a real curiosity around love and relationships, as well as a basic human need of having the capacity to love, and needing to put it somewhere.

    Hmmmm, grumpy Neil has spoken. :(
  • Hi, I am Chris Dee. If you look to the Sponsors banner on your right - the ad for the book? That's me. I have  A LOT of dating/relationship experiences. Just my brief take from reading this one post here - you certainly are expressing hesitation, fear, tentativeness about relationships - think about what signal you are sending to the Universe about them. What type of relationship will you draw while riding this vibration?...My book is a REALLY REALLY good read for someone exactly in your circumstance. Also, I have a post on my blog (and there probably a number of others on my blog) that might be helpful...


    Travel in the Vortex in this dating process!

  • Sir Neil, it seems to me, that since your focus is on all the bad things that can happen in relationships, that's exactly what you attract. Thus, you see plenty of evidence that tells you this how relationships are. I too wondered why to bother with it since it's all bad, but guess what, I started seeing loving couples, I started to watch loving couples. It changed my beliefs. Ask for this, ask the Universe to show you only loving couples that last forever. Also, it sounds like you've not fallen in love. Maybe you've experienced some, but not fallen for someone. Also, why would anyone do it? LOVE. LOVE. LOVE for a another, love for self, love from God, love . If you like, at a higher form of it, compassion.
    How can an artist do anything without that sense of love? I don't mean even typical romantic love, there are many different levels of love and many different forms. If humans had no compassion or love, we'd be androids. The mere existance of love brings all kinds of miracles to mind. Doing crazy things for love is the spice of life!!! Truly, to find another that you can have various levels of love with, is a miracle.
    It's not about the "things" of relationships, it's not about getting, it's about the experience and fulfillment of an embodiment of love and to learn to continue that.....careful that you don't set up for yourself a relationship, set up for yourself blissful love. Much Love~

  • In a way, I miss how things were back when I knew nothing about romantic love. Once I had experienced my first romantic relationship, I had to experience all this pain and disappointment but I also developed something like an addiction to relationships! Now if I even think about the subject, I feel either lonely or lustful for romance, and only because now I really know what I am missing out on. Back when I was a kid I could just dream about how great romantic love could be. Although I did feel like a loser when I had no boyfriend in high school! I don't miss that feeling, haha. So looking for a relationship can be dangerous - you risk getting hurt, a lot. But it's going to be impossible to find your perfect relationship if you never start looking. It may be worth all the pain and trouble - I don't really know because I haven't found it yet. But I guess you just have to try! What if you were afraid to walk when you were a baby, because you knew you would probably fall the first few tries? You would never know the joy and freedom of running!

  • Like I said, for me part of it is wanting someone
    to do romantic stuff with who I have
    romantic feelings for!

    And that emotional connection
    that one to one closeness
    (But yes there's friends)
    Relationship sex in my case can be more
    frequent ;-) not always! But even as
    a single I get offers! ;-) so not a big reason why

    As Sir Neil knows, am contemplating
    break from LOA processes on actual
    romantic relationship - heart beaten
    up recently, needs recovery time &
    for a few reasons just not ready YET

    I THOUGHT I was but NO

    When we have great life if similar interests
    is someone to share it with
    (Again one may have friends like that)
    Food for thought
  • I wonder the same thing!

    I think I want a relationship mostly because I feel lonely or unfulfilled in some way, that my friends and family aren't providing me with enough love, support and companionship, or there's some other hole in my being that I can't pinpoint.

    So I was wondering, what motivation is there for a truly happy, fulfilled person who has absolutely everything in life, to want a relationship? Maybe no one is 100% fulfilled in this way, but hypothetically if they were, would they have any need for a relationship? Considering they could still get the kind of sex they wanted?

  • It's not the be all & end all & there ARE some other people here of PI who DON'T want a relationship & are quite happy as they are.

    You may or may not be one of them.

    For me, I see lots of couples around London hugging, kissing, looking so happy & I want that.

    I also really want to meet someone with loads in common with me who shares a lot of my interests so we can do them together.

    I personally have little desire for the house & no desire for the babies thing.

    But I'm very romantic & would love to have the romance of my life with a guy just like what I've been wanting my whole life.

    There ARE also advantages to being single too like at the moment I am & I can do what I want of course like no body to factor in to plans & also you can meet a lot of people - sure you can as a couple too though - & you can kiss who you want if you want to & they want to etc! & flirt with who you want to.  You can move to another country more easily when single in a way too.  I ended a relationship over it - he knew of my plans from the start though.  And also my marriage ended partially cos he was living in another country!  But it's easier to relocate I think IF one wants to without needing to consult anyone about it! 

    I would LOVE to have the relationship of my dreams with the man of my dreams & I love kisses & cuddles & I love gorgeous compatible nice men but also on the OTHER hand I'm determined to make the most of my single life for now & really work on me.  So it IS one of my biggest desires but I feel I have work to do first & other priorities as well, I feel I'm possibly not ready for one but I'd like to be!

    But I want to say to you do what is right for YOU it is NOT about what your friends think.

    It's like me with kiddies. 

    I've been told I'm missing out but for ME, I'm not.

    I'm so happy as I am there!

    Positives let me think now:

    Getting to know someone more & more & quite deeply

    but you also get to have lots of the physical stuff!  It's more on tap I think than if you are not in a relationship ;-)

    (but that depends!) 

    Again, the companionship.  If you have lots in common (but again that depends on your friends you may have mates like that)

    It's really hard to explain.

    I DON'T want to see someone at the end of a long day, I want to get scrubbed up go out, meet up with him & have him go WOW she is looking GREAT she ALWAYS looks so good!

    And yeah for me romance is a HUGE part of it.

    I love the idea of someone to hold hands ice skating with, to slow dance with, to travel with & kiss on my travels & so on. 

    I loved how with my ex hubby a couple of times after all that time he'd say something about himself that took me by surprise like I suddenly found out he had a pet turtle for e.g. as a boy!

    (I like turtles!) 

    I don't know when I will want to live with someone again & don't care if I don't remarry but it's really nice to fall asleep in somebody's arms & wake up to them.

    And esp. if they make you or buy you breakfast too!

    I just feel this emotional intimacy I don't feel AS much with friends & yes as Star says the butterflies & all those good bits.  Getting to know someone like that & building it all up.  The connection.  The in jokes. 

    Creating those memories together too.

    But some of the negatives are as mentioned plus I feel a bit more vulnerable in relationships at times & a bit restricted in a way.

    It's hard to explain in a way, it MIGHT be like how people try to explain what it's like to be a parent & how great it is & while I'm happy for THEM cos that lifestyle suits THEM, I'M not BUYING it, it AINT right for ME.

  • Hi Neil
    In my opinion, I'd love to be in a relationship, to be able to look forward to seeing him at the end of a long day at work, to have butterflies in my stomach just at the thought of seeing him. To get on with my life with someone I love and who loves me, and the fun bits in between.
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