I was with my ex husband for 13 years and we have 2 kids together. I looked for a way out for many years, he was an alcoholic, smoked weed and abusive. Never had money to help me.I begged for him to get help, to change for me and the kids and he refused. 2 years ago I met someone fell in love and left. He begged and begged me to stay but my mind was made up. I saw him suffer and felt bad but my mind was made up. I was happy with my new guy. I felt loved for once in a very long time. Fast forward two years. I just have birth to a beautiful baby boy that I am totally in love with but also am completely miserable in my relationship. So much that I miss my what I had with my ex. What bothers me the most is that he just met someone...he stopped smoking and drinking and finally got his stuff together. It really hurts that he wouldn't do it for me. Now she gets to emjoy what could have been my family. I know I shouldn't have any regrets and maybe if I wasn't so focused on them my relationship would be better. I'm trying really hard to let it go. But don't know how.

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  • "I just have birth to a beautiful baby boy that I am totally in love with"

    I know NOTHING about pregnancy but I have HEARD of post partum  pregnancy (I might be spelling that wrong) I think it's a form of depression some women get after pregnancy.....I think it is temporary but I do not it possible that that is really what's going on? I'm not a doctor of course but I just wondered about the timing of it.  Yes I would be angry though about the situation itself, why does he seem to be changing for HER but not you....I don't know....Maybe you leaving your ex was the wake up call he needed to shape up.  but I hope you can find happiness.  

  • Hi Bee.

    This whole thing is a matter of focus.

    You are focusing on what you do not want. And that´s why you get what you don´t want. Shift your focus to what you desire instead. 

    There is a possibility that the relationships foundation was codependency, and you could look in to that, so you could see your own patterns of thinking and behaviour. This could help you to understand your own reactions to the choises you are making in life.

    When you are codependent there is not love (there is obsession, which can be confused with love), but you anyway have really difficulties in leaving the relationship. There was addiction in the relationship from you both, for him alcohol and for you the relationship itself . If you weren´t codependent you wouldn´t have any regrets leaving him. To focus on him and his new life is cluttering your mind and create distress for you and your man. 

    You could start to do some new inner focusing. It seems like you forgot what you loved about your man.

     Here are som thoughts you could look in to:

    • You could do affirmations more consciously. It seems like you´ve lost your love for your man, and you could start to create new affirmations about him (or if you think that is difficult, then make more general affirmations about a loving relationship that you would want to experience).
    • Do conscious visualizations. See the warmth between the two of you, how you are hugging and kissing. Or generally some person if it is hard to visualize your man.
    • See how the two of you are laughing together (or somone general), having a lot of fun and enjoying each others company.
    • Remember and see the beginning of your relationship, how you remember the passion between you two. Think of those things that you really enjoyed about him, what was the reason you fell in love.
    • Become aware of what quality of inner pictures you are creating of your man, and if you are noticing that they are negative and hurting in regarding to him, you just decide to stop creating this negative imagining. You are not satisfied with the negative outcome of them.
    • Be aware of that you are creating your own experience all the time, every thought you are thinking are manifesting somehow. And every inner picture you create are also manifesting somehow. Your conscousness is like a lazerbeam, and really powerful when you focus in the right way. If you are dissatisfied, it is because you are focusing on what you don´t want. 
    • Affirm for yourself that you are really clear of what you want, even if you´re not. When you do this your experience will be more clear. 
    • Try not to notice what is so much, because what is is just a jumping-off place, as Abraham says. Don´t pay too much importance to your history, because the best thing with the history is that it is over.  You create all the time. What you see now in your life is due to a previous focusing. When you shift your focus to what you do want,  you´ll soon see the effects of that in your outer world. Just relax and make new pictures from inside, and affirmations, and just know that all is well in your life. 
    • Also focus on selflove. It´s easy to forget to love ourselves, and put all our focus on outer conditionings. You could make affirmations about selflove, and several times a day focus on them. 
    • Your creative power is in the present moment. Don´t think about the past, nor the future. The past doesn´t exist, and noone has ever experienced the future. The only thing we have is the Now, and from here we access our creative power. From here we access all the love and peace that we are. From here we access inner guidance, intuition and inspiration.

    Sorry about the misspelling, english is not my native language. 

    Kind regards

    Common Sense

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