Hi.

I am confusing myself about this love-relationship thing... I wonder if there is anyone out there who would want to straight things out with me, in a really loving way  :) ?

My take on the issue of love is that there is nothing "out there" for me, whether it is any kind of relationship or love of any kind (I´m not sure if this is freedom or limiting beliefs). This might sound harsh, but it isn´t. I don´t suffer from this condition. I have been kind of a "loner" my whole life. I suffered from this when I was younger (because I thought there was something wrong with that), but today I am totally at peace with this. I enjoy my own company, and I have only relationships with my kids. No friends or other relatives. So my belief is that there isn´t anything other people can be for me, that I can´t be for myself...What do you think, is this freedom or limiting beliefs? I don´t suffer from it, but I´m not sure if I am limiting myself...Maybe it is freedom AND limiting belief... :) 

I am not sure if the love-relationship is just  an idea that I must have to be fulfilled, a fantasy, or really something that I long for to have, a man to share warmth, sex and love with. So this is confusing me. I don´t know if a man is of any value to me in the end. If that kind of relationship even exists what I have in mind, is it even possible to aquire exactly that kind of relationship? I know I can´t settle for less. 

I constantly shift between wanting to have a man, longing for the intimacy and being close, and then to not wanting it at all. Believing that it would be hard to stay focused on what I need and to feel good about myself. I feel good about myself when I am single, but that is harder in a relationship, does it make any sense?

I have had a long relationship for 23 years, which I didn´t really like, but the separation was difficult due to codependency from my side. I realized that that wasn´t real love, it was only dependency to this man who I have three kids with (adults now). After that relationship I had a shorter one, for a year. The same thing there, codependency from my part. This has made me come to the conclusion that I don´t want to do that anymore. If I would have any more relationship with a man, that would be totally different from what I´ve experienced.

But how does a relationship that is based on unconditional love look like? What does it take to experience unconditional love? Of course my love for my children is unconditional, but when it comes to a man or a woman, how are you going about the unconditional part of it?

What is really unconditional love? I have never experienced that. Are there people out there, any of you, who has such a relationship? I really would like to know how that could work? How do you do it? How did  you meet, and has there been any difficulties in becoming unconditional in the loving part? What about the bondage between the parts in a relationship? Is it ok to be with others when it really is unconditional, is there any hurt? Is it all about joy, or is it hard?

Does any of you have suggestions how to go about this thing, to be more clear of what I really want?  How to use LoA or other techniques...

Kind regards

Common Sense   (which doesn´t seem so much common sense regarding this issue, hehe... ;)   )

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Replies

  • Hi Sunflower, and thank you for your reply. I appreciate your answer really much. :)

    I felt that you understand my thoughts about the subject.

    I´ve been wondering about that too, if we are capable of unconditional love. I have had three dogs, so yes, I have experienced it from them. Lovely creatures.

    Yes, it is propably an expectation from the society to "be" someone when we are in a relationship.

    I have grown a lot since I know I am very capable of taking care of myself also. I agree with you, I feel the same way, I am much happier when I am single than with someone. I tend to take too much responsiblilty for the other persons emotions. Limiting myself and my own needs, loosing myself in the process. It´s like his needs beceomes more important than mine. And yet, who is going to take care of my needs, when I put someone else before me... Noone. In the end, there is no place for my needs. Seems like it´s the only way to take really good care about oneself is to be by myself. I don´t feel sorry about it either. I think the confusion is leaving me, and my thinking is becoming more clear about the whole thing.

    Maybe it´s easier to contain some kind of unconditional love in shallow relationships, those you don´t meet so often. Those you don´t have any expectations of.  Deal with the own stuff by oneself, and not involve other people in it. It´s great we have internet, so we have access to unlimited information on whatever we want.

    I remember Esther saying once that "as long as you don´t lean to anyone, you don´t become subjected to slavery". Or something like that... It´s like I´m giving my powers away when I am in a relationship. This has to stop, I know I am a powerful being, and I have decided to make those parts of me a greater place.

  • I watched some more videos with Sri Mooji, and he talkes about non-attachment to outer conditionings/thoughts/emotions and even non-attachment to people/relationships. And the more I listen to him, the more I come to the conclusion that a relationship to a man is not necessary. It more often creates distraction from connection to the inner sourse. It is much easier to be a conscious creator when I am single. Maybe it even is wrong to identify myself as a single, because that requires a view of myself as someone in lack (of a partner). I have a relationship with my inner being, and that should be enough. And that relationship is the most important. It´s much easier to let that part of me, my true self, take a larger part of my life. No person outside myself can ever fulfill me, the only thing I can do is to fulfill myself from within, and then see the reflection of this in my outer world. I already see the changes in how people treat me, when I love myself. The universe is a much softer place to be in. When all my doings comes from a point of selflove, the universe can´t do anything else than follow. 

    And the question about unconditional love, the only way that can happen is through no attachment, and it doesn´t require to be in a romantic relationship. It just makes it more difficult, more confusing. So, I can fulfill all of my own needs by myself, when I tune into my inner sourse, and make that the most important part of my life.

    Kind Regards

    Common Sense

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