Philophobia? When you can't accept love--even if you want to?

"Philophobia (from Greek φίλος - filos, "beloved, loving"[1] and φόβος - phobos, "fear"[2]) is the fear of being in love and falling in love. The risk is usually when a person has confronted any emotional turmoil relating to love in the past but also can be chronic phobia.[3][4]

Philophobia is defined as the abnormal, persistent and unwarranted fear of falling in love. This affects the quality of life and pushes a person away from commitment. It is most common in females compared to males since they are told not to pursue love and that people who pursue them will always be bad, no matter what, but instead are set up for arranged marriage and/or forced marriage by the family and/or community who says that the partner and spouse of one's choice isn't good enough for them and that they should marry who they choose for them since they are typically pressured to have good relationships and marriages. It also triggers various symptoms that may incorporate sweating, irregular heartbeat, shortness of breath, feelings of dread, nausea and feeling of restlessness. The worst aspect of fear of being in love and falling in love is that it keeps a person in solitude. It can also evolve out of religious and cultural beliefs that prohibit love."

This, as it's seen, is the wikipedia definition of something known as philophobia. Fear of love, the very antithesis of what this community endorses, I know, but how can you deserve love when you fear it intensely?

It's just, I've found that this is something I have. I am intensely afraid of love, and even though I haven't been in a real relationship before, I've fallen in love recently--for the first time, I think. Long story short, in less than a week I discovered that I harbor feelings for one of my long-distance friends. Last night, when they confessed to someone else (or rather, a long-held crush was finally reciprocated], I completely broke down. I was sweating profusely, trembling as though cold, queasy as though sick, and crying so much I could hardly see or breathe. It was terrible. And now, I'm avoiding this person on the website we both frequent because the mere mention of them and their new, possibly developing relationship between them and the object of their affections frightens me; I'm terrified of them because of how I feel and they trigger me so badly. All because last night I realized that this wasn't a crush that made me feel awful. I realize that I am actually in love, and it hurts so much. What can I do?

I need help. I can't go on through life hating love and the thought of being in it. The universe has gifted me so much, and there has to be something to gain from this. Because I don't believe in coincidence, and I know something is supposed to come of this.

I just only wish I knew what.

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  • I have an idea!


    I will also try to find the links IF you are interested.

    It may take more than this but it COULD be a starting point.

    I wonder whether a fear of commitment hypnosis track might help?  Are you interested in this idea?

    You could also write down the benefits of a relationship.

    OK but let's ALSO look at the benefits of this situation, I'm no expert but I'll have a go & see if I can find some:

    Well, you are not doing MY trick & jumping in! 

    (I only jump in when I like them but STILL!) 

    MAYBE in NOT having him right now it makes you realize even more how much you like him?

    Maybe there are other factors at play that mean this is not the right time YET but very soon it WILL be and you'll be together? 

    Part of me thinks, it's long distance, how fast CAN it move?!  And maybe for you, right now, that's a GOOD thing?

    I don\t know, I am just trying to help but maybe there's other replies that will come & help lots too.

    MAYBE also you just have some fears to clear & work through?

    And one of many things you could try IF you want to is EFT - tapping on it.

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