Update

I feel like I've lost. I had a picture taken of me today. I was feeling so confident and happy, but the second I saw the picture, I felt like everything I've worked so hard for was shattered. I looked nothing like how I desired to despite feeling like I did. My chin was so large, my nose was monstrous and crooked, and overall, I looked so hideous. I've spent years trying to change to no avail, and this only proves it. I've failed. I've done everything right, and this is my reward. I am hideous. I asked my mother if the picture was accurate, and she said it was. She basically said I was as hideous as I thought. I swear that I broke hearing that. I haven't been able to stop crying. I feel like a failure. I feel so damn ugly. I worked so hard to try and gain my desired appearance, but nothing is there. I'm done with this. 

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  • My vibration? I guess I was concerned about this picture before it was taken. I'm not a fan of photographs. I can't say that I was expecting the picture to look horrible, but I was a bit nervous. The mirror's been kinder lately. Thank you for your kind words. I am feeling a bit better now. 

  • Indeed It was. I don't particularly enjoying being photographed. Fortunately, despite the setback, I am still working towards my goal.

  • It was just a bad picture. Some people just dont know how to take a picture. Don't let that define you or your process. 

  • By envisioning I meant visualising yeah :)
    • Alright. Thank you. May good fortunes come your way. 

  • Would be to work on forgiving this girl? In time that is.

    Btw sorry about the comments left right and centre. You have me a lot to think about lol. And my phone kept sending early lol...
  • You know, I have a strong feeling that your old friend was actually quite unhappy with herself.

    I know it sounds funny, as many people have the stereotype that beauty = rude and shallow in their heads, it's actually people who are very unhappy with themselves that are the quickest to say "hey no, only the lucky ones get to be pretty". The ones at peace with themselves have gained a serenity and inner confidence that sees beauty in everything. You were very wise in saying we're all beautiful and I find it very unfortunate your friend chose to ignore the message.

    She probably felt so low about herself that she came up with twisted concepts to feel better, even if just a small amount. It usually tends to result in an "hierarchy of attractiveness". So they look and say, "I'll never look anything like this person ;( ;(" and place that person on the top. Then they feel shitty and go looking for someone who they feel may be inferior to them, and say "at least I'll never look that bad!" (Temporary boost in ego). The friends usually tend to get stuck with them in the middle as so they can create a comfortable little circle where they don't feel like they've got to bend over backwards to get attention.

    As a teen I myself struggled with the hierarchy too, between trying to fighting against it and getting sucked up into like a web. Luckily that was one of the first things I decided to break away from because I hated the toxicity it filled me with and didn't enjoy talking about people's appearances. I felt so much better when I dumped it in the proverbial trash where it belongs and I haven't looked back since.

    Maybe another good thing would be to work
    • I'm starting to wonder the same thing. I find it unfortunate that she has to. The funny thing is that this friend has had a very good, happy life. I've struggled with many things, but I seem to have more positivity than her. She's since taken on a more positive approach. We are still friends, but we are not as close as we were. Part of it is because we are at different colleges. I have since forgiven her for the mistakes of the past. 

      I think that she did do that. She used to use me to feel better about herself sometimes. 

      I've struggled very much with it as well. I was always part of the outcasts, but I ended up liking it there. I felt safe and confident. The other outcasts didn't want me either, but I ended up finding comfort in my own company. When I looked in the mirror just now, I told myself that I looked as my new self would. 

  • That is how I desire to look. It isn't an actual picture of me. I've been trying to stay positive despite the negative photo that was taken. I try to not focus much on Hollywood's standards either. I learned long ago that they are impossible to achieve. 

  • In your photo, you look very pretty to me and I bet there are lots of other people who would agree with me on this. Don't let an awkward photo discourage you. We've all had those photos we would like to delete from Facebook or our computers or phones. Don't let the standards of today affect you either. Hollywood's standards are dam near impossible for anyone to meet, because the magazines use photoshop on just about every picture.

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