Update

I feel like I've lost. I had a picture taken of me today. I was feeling so confident and happy, but the second I saw the picture, I felt like everything I've worked so hard for was shattered. I looked nothing like how I desired to despite feeling like I did. My chin was so large, my nose was monstrous and crooked, and overall, I looked so hideous. I've spent years trying to change to no avail, and this only proves it. I've failed. I've done everything right, and this is my reward. I am hideous. I asked my mother if the picture was accurate, and she said it was. She basically said I was as hideous as I thought. I swear that I broke hearing that. I haven't been able to stop crying. I feel like a failure. I feel so damn ugly. I worked so hard to try and gain my desired appearance, but nothing is there. I'm done with this. 

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  • Well, thank you. 

  • I did try that, but I still fell. Whatever test it was, I think I failed. Hopefully, the Universe will allow for a retake. I felt that I was getting to the point of feeling satisfied, and than I ran into this hindrance. I suppose all I can do is keep going and not give up. Giving up has never been my strong-point anyway. I hate that people are so judgmental, but I guess it's just how society is. I do the best that I can with my physical and mental health. My physical health is good except for asthma. My mental is decent enough. 

    • the reason why i said that is because just a few months ago, i was literally in the same trap as you. my family and i went on a cruise during that time, and i had done something to my eyebrows in desperation that only gave me a horrific look, and i couldnt even enjoy myself. i couldnt enjoy myself until mid-summer. what did i do? i slept for HOURS upon HOURS, i watched my favorite animes, read romantic comedies, prayed with God, and spoke to online friends (because theyre the funniest bunch). after all that, i had deleted all the "motivation" photos because frankly i had none. you know what happened? i dropped twenty pounds instantly and i got my precious eyebrows back. but honestly, i didnt give a flying shit about the way i looked at the time. you've just got to chill out. GET ANGRY ABOUT FALLING INTO THE STUPIDASS TRAP OF PITY and then relax yourself.
    • I'm glad that you were able to get yourself in a happier mind set. I didn't look at my "motivation" photo last night because I felt no point. It just didn't seem like it was the right thing to do.  I'm working on trying to relax myself. I was putting on my makeup today, and I told myself that I looked exactly how I wanted to. I don't know if I believed it, but maybe with time,  right? 

    • With time, you will. :)

  • AS SOON AS YOU LOOK AT THAT PICTURE TELL YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE THAT BEAUTIFUL ASS QUEEN THAT YOU (already) ARE AND NOT ONE MOTHERFUCKER CAN TELL YOU DIFFERENT. THE UNIVERSE IS TESTING YA. THEN ONCE YOU PRACTICE FEELING TOTALLY SATISFIED WITH HOW YOU LOOK (because you are your worst critic or your best advocate) THEN YOU FLIP THAT LUCIOUS HAIR OF YOURS AND FILE YOUR NAILS LIKE BEYONCÉ. YOU BOSS WOMAN. AND WHO ON THIS GOD-GIVEN EARTH HAS THE RIGHT TO DEFINE A HUMAN BY THEIR APPEARANCE? THE FUCK??? MAKE SURE YOURE TAKING GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY OKAY ILY
  • That's what I was in the process of doing. In terms of letting go, I'd been doing rather well. Seeing that picture just sent me spiraling back to where I'd been. I thought I had let it go. I truly did, but I guess not. Could you explain exactly what it means to let go? Maybe I wasn't doing it right. I just don't know, but I feel so hopeless right now. That picture didn't look like me. In the mirror, I felt pretty enough. In that picture, it was like it was taken to show me in the worst possible light. I forced my sister to take another picture of me, and the other one looked okay except for my nose. It's so hard when you hate almost everything about yourself. I don't know I should just try and change everything that I hate all at once or work with one thing at a time. 

    • Honey,sometimes Pictures aren't too flattering, even the most gorgeous woman can look bad in a picture. I am sure it's less worse than you think it is. And I think your mom said it was accurate cause she actually only recognized it was you in the picture, not the fact that you look not so pretty.

      Focus on your overall feelings, do something you like. I used to run and do very long walks but these days I neglected it. Even though I had a very difficult life back then ,people told me I looked gorgeous cause I felt comfortable with my body. I used affirmations like you are beautiful, gorgeous and pure desire and I am sure it helped a lot (I was very satisfied with how I looked but it's hard to get used to it when you restart to worry so I have to start again now.)

      Don't give up easily, you wont regret it. You still have a long life to live so those few years months or weeks will feel like nothing afterwards.

      Best wishes!

    • I know. I've never found myself attractive in pictures, but this one was particularly bad. I asked her if I looked that hideous, and her reply hinted that I was. She's said before that she'd allow me to get plastic surgery to decrease the size of my chin and nose, so clearly, she thinks that it's that bad. She goes on and on about how attractive she is though. I have very attractive parents and siblings, and then there's me. I'm the ugly duckling of my family. My sister is beautiful enough that she could model. Both of my parents are highly attractive. My brother is as well. I was cursed with the worst physical characteristics and health when it comes to my immediate family. I feel like I was cursed. 

      I used to jog until my asthma began acting up. I've dependent on my medication to survive. No one else in my family suffers from asthma, so they do not understand how frustrating it is. I feel like I can't live because my life revolves around my inhalers and daily preventive medicine. 

      People have always told me that I was hideous. There's never been anyone who called me beautiful. IT's hard to feel beautiful when all people do is say how ugly and unattractive I am. 

      I've been trying for almost four years. I have not given up easily. Four years with no results is so tiring. 

    • First of all, I think that it's very hard for some people to "let go" of their wish or whatever.  I know I certainly can't!  And I totally believe that it's not necessary to do that at all!  The point is to let go of the *doubt and disbelief*, not the desire :>  To "let go" I think means just trusting your body because it knows what you want and it knows how to rearrange itself so you can have it :>  Also, it can mean just not paying attention to what you don't like about how you look, but that can be hard (it is for me :s) 

      Secondly, I highly doubt you're hideous!  American beauty standards are all fucked up!  I don't understand why tiny noses are considered ideal!  Personally, I think tiny noses are usually hideous! :s  I love big noses, they're very sensual :D  I've seen LOTS of pretty girls with big chins (and tons with even huge noses) and I never see it as a flaw. 

      I *used* to want a really small nose but then my perspective started changing (largely due to my Girlfriend being a REALLY GOOD influence on me :D) and now I love big noses :D  Omg, SO MANY of my messed up preferences have reversed, too!  I wanted to be extremely skinny, etc.  Now there's no way I'd want to be anything thinner than I am here:

      6369660894?profile=original(also I like having chubby cheeks which are considered "unattractive" and chubby hands and I like having small boobs, plus I always want to look 12 - 14 and most girls and women don't want to look that young forever, etc. lots of things that are not really the american ideal because I developed my own preferences :>)

      Anyway, I'm not at all trying to dissuade you from wanting to look however you prefer!  I just know that typical american beauty standards are often really dumb :P 

      A lot of the time when people "give up", the thing they want appears!  All you have to do is find what works for you.  Imagining how it feels to have what you want or just keeping yourself happy in general, those will both get you what you want. 

      I look totally different in pictures than I do in the mirror, too :s  Until I look how I want to, I usually hide from cameras because I know I'll look yucky :s  I always look so much better in the mirror and I don't know why :s 

      You'll get the results you want, for sure :>  The Universe and your body already know what you want and are ready for you to have it!  I've been trying to allow the thingies I want for about 4 years, too :<  I know that I'm really sort of smushed in a lot of the time and I have a hard time imagining myself having what I want from MY perspective, I always imagine it from the side, and it's poupy :<  Maybe take a break from focusing and do some fun stuff and then you'll either suddenly look how you want to or you'll get the inspiration to do a particular technique or something that will get you there fast :D

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